Beautifully Broken

Love and Fear

Caleb POV

I set Paisley in the car and buckle her car seat. "Alright, BooBoo, let's get you home." I walk around the car and climb into the driver's seat. "Caleb? Was that pretty girl your girlfriend?"
"No, she isn't. Why did you think she was?"
"Yeah, I mean you talk about her a lot, and just gave her a present... Was it her birthday?"
"No, Paisley, it's not her birthday."
"Well, if she's not your girlfriend, it can't be an anniversary. Like Mommy and Daddy have, and it's not her birthday, why did you give her a present?"
"Because Paisley, it's complicated."
"She looked like your girlfriend."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, she did the same thing that Cassidy does whenever Sterling comes over."
"What's that?"
"Well, when you walked up to her, she got on her toes and stole your hat and put it on her head; Cassidy does that to Sterling when he comes over."
"Friends can do that to Paisley."
"Yeah, but I don't think you guys are just friends."
"Paisley, I'm not dating Alana."
"Well, hurry up and just start dating her already."
"Why is that?"
"Because then you can bring her, and we can double date."
"Double Date?"
"Yeah! You can bring her, and I can bring my boyfriend, and we can all go out together." I almost slammed on the breaks. "YOUR BOYFRIEND!"
"Yeah!"
"Who's your boyfriend?"
"Paul."
"Your boyfriend is a guy named Paul. Where did you meet Paul?"
"He goes to school with me."
"How long have you and Paul been Dating?"
"Oh, we're not dating. We're just boyfriend and girlfriend." I laugh a little bit. "Well... How long has he been your boyfriend?"
"Since Monday."
"Paisley, It's Tuesday."
"Yeah! I'm proud of myself! This is the longest relationship I've ever been to!"
"It better be the only relationship you've ever been in."
"No, I dated ALOT of boys in kindergarten last year." We pull into the driveway, and I lay my head on the steering wheel, "that's not what your older brother wanted to hear." She let out a giggle. I got out of the car and went to get her out of her car seat. "Who's your favorite brother?" I ask. She thinks about it for a minute while I carry her inside. "Michael!" She says, "What! You like Michael more than me!" She giggles as I set her down; Mom greets us at the door. "Alright, Paisley, time for you to go to bed." Paisley nods her head and runs upstairs to her room. I turn and start walking the other way. "Caleb, come tell me what happened? Did she kiss you again?"
"Mom." She sits down on the couch and pats the spot next to her. I sit down. "So... what happened?"
"Well, Her brothers were on the porch watching us, so that was a little intimidating."
"Yeah, You would do the same thing for Paisley, and you have done the same thing to Cassidy."
"Speaking of Paisley, did you know she has a boyfriend."
"Yeah, it's only been what like a day, and I'm sure it will be over tomorrow."
"That's one day too long, in my opinion."
"Caleb, stop trying to change the conversation. Did she like it?"
"Yeah, she liked the bracelet, and we talked for a minute. She stole my hat when I walked up and wore it while we talked; she looked so beautiful with it on. I had to stop for a minute and collect my thoughts because my entire mind was a jumble of words. I think she was going to kiss me, but then Paisley decided to come up and ask to go home because she was tired." My mom smiles, "Did you ask her out again?"
"Yeah, she told me no again. Well, I think her exact phrase was 'try again.'"
"I'm sorry Caleb, are you sure she's worth it?"
"Definitely. I've been in love with her for as long as I can remember, and it took me losing her to figure that out."
"Okay," Mom says before kissing the top of my head and ruffling my hair. "Go take a shower; you smell like cattle, then head to bed."
"Okay, mom, goodnight."
"Goodnight... Oh, Caleb, do you know when the others will be home?"
"Yeah, Um... I think Isä said He, Carter, and Cass were trying to leave around 11. Michael is sick so, you know where He is."
"Okay, thank you."
"No problem. Is Michael feeling any better?"
"Yeah, His fever didn't come back this morning, and He seems to be fine now. It must have been the 24-hour flu." I nod my head and take a shower.
I finish taking my shower, I get dressed, and start walking to my room downstairs. I walk into the basement living room and see Michael sitting on the couch, eating popcorn watching a movie. "He is still alive," I say jokingly. "Yeah, I'm still alive." He says, laughing. "I figured you would probably still be sleeping."
"No, I've been sleeping all day; I'll probably go to bed after this movie, though." I nod my head, "Do you want to watch?"
"Yeah, let me grab my blanket." I walk into my bedroom and grab the blanket off of my bed. As I grab my blanket, I hear a knock on my window. I look outside and see Ryker looking into my window. I point to the back door, and he nods his head. I run back to where Michael is sitting and throw my blanket onto the other side of the couch. "Caleb, where are you going?"
"I think I just saw Ryker outside. I'm going to see what he needs." I see Michael stand up and start walking towards the back door with me. "What are you doing?"
"I'm not letting you go talk to him alone."
"Why not?" I say, slightly frustrated, "Because I'm your Big Brother, that's why."
"Step-Brother." I reply, "Still been your brother for eight years. So I don't care." He walks over and sits in the chair by the back door. I see Ryker standing there; I was not prepared for what I would see when I turned on the rear door light. Ryker stands there with a black eye and a broken lip. It looks like his nose had been bleeding earlier but had stopped. I open the door and bring him inside. He coughs and spits up a little bit of blood in the bucket by the door. "I'm going to get Äiti," Michael Says, running upstairs. "What happened?" I ask, lifting him off the ground and into a chair nearby. "Well, I got into another fight. Then I ran away."
"Yeah, I'm glad you ran from that fight, dude. You could have gotten seriously hurt!"
"No, I didn't run from the fight. I ran from my foster home." I look at the small backpack that He dropped by the front door when He walked in. I was too preoccupied to notice that He had anything with him.
"Ry, I know you don't like it there, but you know we can't keep you here. Running away isn't the answer."
"Why not? Alana ran away! She now has a family, and not just a family, a good family, which is something I want so bad."
"Ryker, you know that's not a good enough reason."
"Caleb, you don't understand. I have no one now. I don't have parents; my Younger sister got adopted. My older sister wants nothing to do with me. When they called my family to ask if they could take me in, my family laughed at them. I have no one."
"You have us," Mom says as she walks off the bottom step. "You aren't going to be alone. We all still love and care for you the same way we always have. The only thing is, Mark and I can't give you our last name, but one day I believe that you are going to meet someone who can give you their last name, and you know what? after that, we're still going to feel the same way we feel about you now." She comes and sits down next to him. "Thank you, Mrs. V."
"No problem, Ryker, you know you can call me Addy if you want to."
"I know Mrs. V. It's just, I prefer Mrs. V."
"Okay, whatever makes you feel comfortable, now let's go get you cleaned up a little bit, shall we?" He nods his head, "Boys Bed."
"But we were going to watch a movie."
"Boys, It is 11:30 at night; you can watch the movie tomorrow."
"Yes, Äiti," Michael says, "Yes, Mom," I say. "Goodnight, I love you both."
"Love you too." We both say as she walks upstairs. We both start walking back to our rooms. "Hey, Caleb."
"Yeah?"
"You know I love you, right?" I give him a very confused look in response. "Yeah? I love you too, Michael? What made you think of that?"
"When Ryker said that He didn't think anyone loved him and that he didn't have a family, I wanted to let you know that. Someone loves you, even if we aren't actually family."
"Aren't actually family? Dude, My Mom married Isä when I was nine; you just turned eleven. I mean, you missed the first part of my life, but I was lame anyway. You were my best friend when Mom and Isä were dating, but when they said I do, you became my brother. I don't know what I would do without you."
"But, you keep saying, Step-brother. You, Carter, and Cass all do. I thought whenever you said that you guys were mad at me."
"We probably are, but that doesn't change the fact we're brothers. You can't do anything to make us no longer family."
"So, I'm your big brother?"
"That, that right there is a no."
"What?"
"I hate it when you use that phrase."
"Why," He says with a smile and a small laugh, "Because that's what Carter tells me whenever I need his help, or whenever he decides to help me. It drives me crazy. When I was little, it didn't annoy me much. He started doing it right after Dad left. As I got older, he started using it as a way to point out all the ways I was incompetent. Ever since then, the phrase just makes me mad."
"I had no idea. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You had no way of knowing."
"Does Carter know?"
"Yeah, but he's my big brother. He doesn't care. It was hard for him. When mom and Isä got married, he was the man of the house for four years before they got married. He didn't like that when you and Isä moved in, he had or at least could be a kid again. He grew up way too fast and didn't know how to handle it."
"I don't know what to tell you, Caleb, that's really hard."
"Yeah, it's okay. We all have a past, and parts of it that we wish could disappear with the wind."
"Do you wish your dad would have stayed? Is that what you would change?"
"No, the only thing I would change was having Mom meet Isä sooner. So that way, I could feel like He was actually my Dad." I quietly walk into my room and shut the door. I lay in bed for a little while, trying to stop all of the old memories from racing into my head.

I was there the day my Dad left; I was so little I didn't know what was going on. Carter and Cassidy were ten at the time, so they were both at school. Mom was off because she just worked an overnight shift as a nurse, and Dad he was a realtor, so he didn't have any appointments that morning. I remember him putting in my favorite movie and giving me a massive bowl of ice cream; it was around 1 in the afternoon because I was home from my half-day at kindergarten. He took a few bags out to the car and never came back. Mom told us that he left for a business trip, but after about two months, I gave up on him ever coming home. Carter didn't take it very well. Carter and Cassidy, I later found out, are my half-siblings. Their dad took off before the two of them were born, so my Dad was the first father figure that Carter and Cassidy had. My mom didn't meet my dad until they were three years old. He dated my mom for one year, and they were married for six. Mom met Isä at the hospital a few years after Dad left.
Micheal had been helping out on the ranch. He was messing around and fell off some stacked hay in the barn; when he landed, he broke his arm. When they took him to the ER, my mom was one of the nurses who helped do the x-ray. When she got off work, the front desk told her that something was left for her. Isä had bought her a card with a Starbucks gift card inside, it said. 'Long hours can be hard, coffee can help!' with a smiley face and his phone number inside. None of us are quite sure how that line worked, but it did, and they went on their first date a few weeks later. About a month after that is when we meet Micheal. About three months later, they got engaged, and fifteen months after that, they got married.

When Mom and Isä got married, we didn't want to call him Dad. Carter blamed Him and Cassidy for calling my Father "dad" as a reason why he left. I never thought it made any sense, but He said that 'no matter what, he will never care for us like his own children.' So we started using the nickname Isä. As Carter got older, He just started calling Isä Mark, but I don't think I can call him by his first name. Whether he is our dad or not, he still raised us. He's the closest thing that I've seen to a father. After my Dad left, my Mom found him and asked if we wanted to be apart of any of our lives. He said no. That the six years, he spent with us was the second biggest mistake of his life. The first was getting my mom pregnant with me. I had to go to counseling for a while to get over some of that stuff, okay to get over most of that stuff. Sometimes when I see Isä get mad, I'm still afraid he's going to leave, even though I know he won't, I'm afraid he will.