Beautifully Broken

The Conversation

Alana POV

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" Carson came and sat down on the bed next to me. "You seemed almost disappointed when we said we didn't take in very many foster kids." I shrugged my shoulders. "Yea, why?"
"Why were you disappointed?"
"I was hoping I would be able to stay here for a while. If you don't take in very many placements this is probably short term till they can find someplace more permanent for me."
"Hey, sometimes kids stay with us for longer."
"It's fine, this is just one more stop. Only four more years till I turn eighteen."
"Alana, you shouldn't be thinking like that. I know moving from Foster home to Foster home can be hard, but you can't just live for the next move."
"Well, I can't get attached. I need to keep looking to the future, so that way the past cant catch me and the present can't control me." I glare at him and turn my back towards him. He sits there for a minute with me in complete silence. "I'm gonna leave you alone, don't forget we have a movie night in twenty minutes." He gets up and walks out of my room.

That night ended well. I cried myself to sleep. Nicole was right I do like it here, but maybe its just hormones. I don't like it here. I can't like it here.

Carson POV

I walk out of the room and slowly close the door behind me. I walk down the hall into my room and close the door. I sit on the ground in front of my bed and put my hands on my forehead. I know the look in her eyes, I've had that look before. I wish she would let me in and let me through. I wish she would let me tell her the reason Mom and Dad don't take in more foster children. I wish she would let me through all of the walls I can see in her eyes, I wish she would let me love all the pain that she feels like she can never escape from.

I look up at the clock and realize that I need to get downstairs. I walk downstairs to the living room and see Alana sitting on the couch alone. I walk over and try to sit next to her. She rolls her eyes at me. I smile at her and sit down. She turns her back to me and watches the movie, as soon as the movie is over she goes back to her room and locks the door behind her. It's gonna be a long road to get her to understand this is a safe place.

Jenifer POV

I let out a sigh as I watch Carson follow Alana up to her room. If I know my son he's going to go talk to her. I collect the dishes off the table and turn on the sink when Chase walks over, "do you want some help?"
"Sure," I say handing him a sponge and kiss him on his temple "What's the deal with Alana?"
"Chase, honey what are you talking about?"
"Well, When Carson and I were downstairs she asked us if we took in many foster placements?"
"She was probably just trying to make conversation."
"Well, When I told her that we don't usually take in placements there mostly temporary emergency placements. I mean the longest one we've had was what three months. She got disappointed."
"Chase, I know you don't remember being in foster care, but it's stressful moving all the time. She was probably trying to figure out how long she will stay here, or at least get a rough estimate." I sigh "Chase, Alana has had a rough past. She's probably gonna be guarded for a while." He gives a sad smile "Hey, why don't you go pick out a movie for tonight."
"Mom, I'm not six, I know you're trying to distract me," There was a short pause. "but it still works." He says as he smiles and runs into the living room. As he's looking through the movies he turns around and for a second I don't see a strong fifteen-year-old, I see the little five-year-old that got dropped off with tear stains down his cheeks not understanding why He was here, I see the seven-year-old that found out the adoption was approved, I see the eight-year-old that clung on my legs when Carson moved in. I see the smile on his face the day Carson's adoption was finalized, and all the laughter and joy in his face about having a brother that isn't gonna leave. I see the look on his face from a few days ago when we told him that we were going to have a little girl come stay with us for a while. It's always hard bringing another kid into the house, but I think this one will work out.