My Hope (Complete)

Chapter 4

I sat next to the boys who were both grinning at me. They must suspect something.  I tried my hardest to pay attention in class. Thank goodness I have read The Great Gatsby before, or I would be in trouble. He moves around the classroom as he teaches, like a dancer. Or an animal. A gazelle! That's it. So graceful and yet powerful. Every time he passes me, I greedily take in that amazing smell. I have to find out what cologne he wears so I can buy it and spray it all over my room. Its difficult to take my eyes off him. I decide to look around the room and see what else is going on around me. Some students are listening intently. Some are sneaking looks at their phones. A couple girls have dreamy looks on their faces. Oh no! I hope I don't look ridiculous like them. I'm sure I do. I look at Zade. He seems to be paying attention. But when I looked, he turned to me and silently laughed. What does that mean? That I'm busted? How embarrassing.

Mr. Kingston tells us to read the first two chapters tonight. Then he says we can talk amongst ourselves while he takes care of some paperwork. I was so busy staring at him, that I didn't realize he had called me up to his desk. I jump and nearly knock everything off my desk. I catch it and continue on my way to the front. My face burns with humiliation. "You called me?" I ask stupidly. Of course he called me. That's why I'm up here. "Yes, I was wondering if you could take this quiz I made. I saw your grades from your last school, and I wondered if this class is a little behind where you were before." "Oh, that's okay, this is a good class. I will just stay here." I tell him quickly, without really thinking. I'm just worried I won't be in his class any more. "Oh, no, I don't want to move you to another class. This is the most advanced English course we have. I just thought maybe I could give you some projects that would challenge you a little more, if you were interested.  According to your transcripts, you like a challenge." He corrected, with a brilliantly white smile, and a dimple. My heart speeds up. My cheeks turn yet another shade of pink. Why can't I control my reaction to him? I see his smile get just a tiny bit wider. "Oh, yes, I would like that very much. Thank you, Mr. Kingston."  "Great, here is the quiz. It will also tell me what aspects of literature interest you the most, and we will focus primarily on them." I take the paper from him, wishing that my hand had brushed his. But sadly, he made sure it didn't. 

Back at my desk I started the quiz. Zander looked over my shoulder and gave me a questioning look. "A quiz to see my aptitude level and interests." I tell him. "Oh, yeah, okay." He says a little suspiciously. Why is he suspicious about that? I answer all the questions. Some of them don't really apply to English and literature, as far as I can tell. Like, where would you most like to travel and why? What do you think are your strongest attributes? Weaknesses?  Well, I suppose he is just trying to learn my interests, as he said. Sounds a little like a job interview. I return the quiz and he doesn't look at it. I'm disappointed. I was hoping I would get to review it with him or something. "Maybe we can go over this at lunch." He suggests. My heart nearly beats out of my chest. My smile must jump up a couple megawatts. "You can ask the twins to bring you by after you grab your lunch. You can all eat in here." He adds quickly. I hope my disappointment isn't noticeable. Its not that I don't like the guys, I was just hoping for a few minutes of alone time. Oh my God! What am I even thinking? I wouldn't even be able to get a coherent sentence out if I was alone with this man. I just nod and go back to my seat. "Do you mind if we eat in here today? We need to go over my quiz?" I ask them. "Sure, no problem. We eat in here sometimes." Zander tells me. Hmmm, I wonder why these guys would eat lunch with their English teacher.

At lunchtime I get in line right away and wait impatiently for my food. "Don't worry, we will have plenty of time." Zander reassures me. Zade just laughs. These guys must be reading my mind. How do they know I'm anxious to see Mr. Kingston? Maybe I just don't like waiting in line? Oh, who am I kidding. I'm sure they know exactly why I want to hurry up. But why are they okay with it? I grab my utensils and a drink and start heading toward his room as soon as the food is in my hands. The boys are rushing to catch up. I'm literally ridiculous right now. His door is open, and I go right in. I sit at my desk. Its right in the front, closest to his desk. Zade closes the door behind him and sits down.

Mr. Kingston takes out a bag lunch and starts eating a sandwich. I stop chewing and watch him. Then I realize I'm being a creeper and I look down at my own food. "So, Hope, it looks like you have very eclectic taste in literature. That's good. Maybe you would be interested in being a T.A. in my creative writing class? I see you got stuck with Mechanics as an elective. Unless of course you love that class." He asks with a smile. "Oh, no, there just wasn't space in the class I wanted. Me coming in late and all." I explain. "So, are you interested?"  "Oh, yes, absolutely! I love creative writing." I confirm. "Great, I will take care of changing it in the computer myself. You won't have to go through the office to do it. Can you start tomorrow?" "Sure, yes, that would be great."  He goes on to explain what they are covering in creative writing. He tells me I can do any of the assignments, but I won't be graded on them, unless I wanted extra credit. And that I would be helping him with grading assignments, making copies, and coming up with writing prompts. It sounds amazing actually. I love this idea.

He asks me a few questions about the places I have been, that I mentioned in my quiz. He tells me a little about his travels. The boys just quietly listen. Sometimes the twins talk amongst themselves. But mostly its just me and Mr. Kingston talking. His voice is mesmerizing. Just like his eyes. They pull me in. I can't look away. It's like an invisible force is drawing me to him. I notice that I am leaning closer to him. He has moved to the desk next to me instead of the big one he was sitting behind at first. We talk and laugh like this is totally normal, until the bell rings. I jump a little and he laughs. "I guess time is up." I blurt. Why is everything out of my mouth ridiculous?

The boys and I leave to go to our next classes. Once again, I feel the loss. After school, they drive me home. They ask if I need them to keep me company until my parents get home. I tell them my Dad won't be too long and that I will be fine. They reluctantly leave. I get the feeling they feel responsible for my safety. That's pretty nice of them, since we just met.

I do homework and then make dinner for my Dad. He always appreciates my cooking. But I find no real joy in it today. I feel almost lost. This is pitiful. I'm infatuated with an unattainable man. Dad asks me questions about school. I tell him about it with little enthusiasm. Except for the opportunity I was given to be a teacher's assistant in creative writing. I decide to head to bed early so tomorrow will come quickly.

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