How I Disappear (Frank Iero)

Tragic Ends

{ Thursday }

My eyes are extremely puffy from all the tears I've shed, I might've cried through my sleep too.

I feel as if I've cried all the life out of me. Out of all the highs and lows I've been through, this might be the lowest point I've seen.

I don't see why I should stay home from school today. I get up out of bed and drag myself to school by the imaginary rope around my neck.

In every direction, there are people who give me weird glances and whisper to eachother. I don't care. I'm a complete mess, I know.

I sit in class and I can hear girls whispering behind me.
"He wasn't at school yesterday, he's probably high as fuck!"
"He's such a man-whore."
"He looks like he banged someone so hard last night."
"Who lost their virginity this time?"

The morning announcements come on the intercom. The principal usually hosts them, and today he says something different. He proposes a memorial for Vic tomorrow. This spikes surprised conversations among the students in my class.

Seconds pass by like minutes. Every time unit is slowed down, it feels like the world will soon stop.

{ Friday }

A small memorial is held after school in the gym. About one hundred people showed up and they all sit on the bleachers. It sickens me to see all these people who just so happened to actually "care" about Vic, when in reality, I'm the one who cared about him the most. They all sit a row behind me. Jack, Alex, Brendon, and Pete.

The principal stands behind a podium and speaks into the microphone to the crowd.
"We're gathered here today to remember Victor Fuentes, an outstanding student at this school."
I cringe at him in disgust. He probably didn't even know who he was until now.

He goes on about how to deal with the loss of a loved one, healthy and unhealthy ways to cope, and that things will always get better. It seems like he is giving an educational speech rather than a memorial one.
"Does anyone have any words before we end this memorial?" He asks.
I run my eyes across the small crowd, looking to see if anyone's going to raise their hand.
"Going once..." The principal says.
Nobody does, and I sit amidst a silent crowd.
"Going twice..." He continues.
My hand shot up into the air.
"You sir!" He says, pointing to me and gesturing me to come up.
My hands shake. I don't even know what to say.

I cautiously walk up to the podium and adjust the microphone so that it points to my mouth. I clear my throat.

"He was more than my best friend," I begin, "he was a role model, a first aid kit, a cigarette. He would bring you so much relief from all the crazy shiz happening around you."
I rest both my forearms on the podium casually.
"And I hope everyone finds a friend like that someday. He was often misjudged, but if you really got to know him, he would be the most understanding guy you'd ever meet. He understood my feelings and thoughts when I didn't understand them myself."
I continue with my thoughts on Vic and his friendship with me.
"He saved my life... Twice. That means I could only repay him with two lives, and I don't have that many lives, so I guess I'll repay him with this one."

I am softly applauded as I walk back up the bleachers where I sat.
"Frank," a familiar voice says behind me, "I never knew you went through all that."
It's Brendon. He puts a hand on my shoulder. I look over at Pete. He has a look of pity for me in spite of not knowing what I've been through these past months, but he doesn't say anything.
"I've always thought he was a douchebag," Jack says, "I didn't know he was that chill, I wish I've gotten to know him better."
Adrenaline mixed with boiling anger flows through my veins. I charge toward Jack, but I am held back by Alex, Brendon and Pete.
"What do you mean you wish you've gotten to know him better?! I've got news for you, he's gone now!" I scream.
"Dude, what is your fucking problem?!" Alex shouts.
I swing a punch at Alex without even knowing it. I didn't mean to do that. He yells in pain, and I realize that every pair of eyes in the gym are focused on me. I hyperventilate. I am shaking and my stomach is in knots. This is not who I am.

I run out of the gym and into the hallway. I pace in front of a bench in between the lockers. When I feel like I've calmed down, I sit down, resting my elbows on my knees and holding my face in my hands. I sit there for a while. I want to cry, but no tears are coming out.

I am disturbed by someone placing a hand on my shoulder and sitting down next to me. I look beside me only to see a girl my height. Dark hair, perky nose, round lips. Jamia.
"I know how it feels." She says quietly after a brief moment of silence.
"You can't possibly know how I feel."

She told me all about what she's been going through ever since that one rumor was spread about us being together. She said she was bullied by her friends and that they didn't believe her when she said that she wasn't with me. Her grades went down, she missed a couple days of school, and more rumors were spread about her too. I was so relieved, I thought she hated me. We ended up talking for a really long time.

"Let's get out of here! Is there anywhere that you wanted to go?" She asks.
I completely forgot that we were still in the school hallway.
"...We should go to the park." I suggest.
She giggles.
"Okay then."

We stand up. I shove my hands in my pockets, and we walk down the sunlit hallway.

~~~