How I Disappear (Frank Iero)

looking back

holy what

i haven't been on wattpad in forever and i didn't expect to come back to 67 notifications.....

most of those were from this story, comments about how people have related to this story and so forth.

i wrote during a really low point on my life. the lowest i've ever been. the only source of comfort i had was from music, and discovering wattpad, why NoT wRiTe A (super depressing) fAnFiCtIoN to pour out all my feelings into?

as much it was a relief to know other people felt the same way as i did at the time somehow, it really hurt me. it hurt me to know that you might be going through a really low point in your life right now. it hurts to know that you may relate now to how badly i felt in the past.

i've mentally healed so much since publishing this story, so lemme give you some words of friendly advice.

i wrote this story during a time i felt really socially anxious.

i hung out with a large group of friends. i wanted their approval. in all honesty, i just wanted to be liked. i beat myself up for it. i don't want you doing that to yourself.

don't condition your mind to think that you have to act or look or dress or do anything in a certain way to gain approval. you don't have to follow the latest trends or listen to the popular music or watch the popular tv shows just to keep on top of conversation topics.

approval is an unreliable sense of self-worth. approval does not equate to self-worth. approval does not define your self-worth.

always put your happiness, health, and general well being first. and note that these things do not necessarily come from other people.

you also don't need to have to be good friends with a big group of people (this is what destroyed me). you start to view yourself as not a complex individual but more like a follower. you feel like you blend into the crowd, like you don't stand out because the only thing your mind is set on doing is mimicking the crowd. so keep your numbers small, and i mean that in a way that a couple of very good friends is all you need. trust me.

view life in a different light. and i'm not saying "if you have depression, just choose to be happy." i've had depression, i know. but find the good in everything. even if it's the tiniest glimpse of light in the worst situation.

your mom just yelled at you for being lazy?
heck, you're not the laziest.
that guy just called you out on the slits on your wrist?
you are here, living, breathing. this is not the worst you could have been. the scars will heal and so will you.
you spilled your glass of milk and burnt your toast?
slurp that milk off the ground and devour that burnt toast, you spontaneous adolescent.

(i was kidding on that last one. but at least you didn't burn your milk and spill your toast.)

bring out the good in yourself. if you need some ideas, here are some of my new years resolutions:
-be more giving.
-take better care of your family.
-overcome the fear of talking to new people.

as you can see, i'm not the best at giving advice. but i will leave it up in an attempt to show my appreciation for all the amazing feedback i got from publishing this story.

i honestly thought this was the worst story ever and i cringe going back and reading it. i considered deleting it for a while but decided against it since this has related to so many wonderful people.

so thank you all for making me feel like i have some talent in me.

~ vanessa