Rigid Crow

I'm Your Son

At the hospital later in the week, I ask the Hinatas if they would be open to me staying with them for a couple weeks. "It's not a great place for me right now," I admit, "and I need somewhere where I can clear my mind."
     They wholeheartedly agree, which means the only thing left to do is tell my parents, and also tell them why I need this.
     Shō isn't doing well, but he's at least able to use his computer to speak again. We're just hoping and hoping that he doesn't deteriorate this next week, that he doesn't get sepsis.
     My parents are waiting when I come home. It's an odd sight, all of us together at once. "You came," I state, incredulous. Even though I asked that they both be here, something almost always comes up.
     Okaa-san nods. "Yes. But I got out of a meeting for this, Tobio. This had better be important."
     I take a deep breath. "I've been wanting to talk to you both about this for a while. Since I started getting therapy, actually."
     Their faces harden. They don't like talk of therapy. They think it's a waste, a scam for things that don't even exist.
     "You can hate it if you want. But it's genuinely helping me. Anyway..." Oh, man, this isn't easy. "I wanted to talk about how I grew up here."
     "What's there to talk about?" Otou-san taps his fingers on his leg. "Your upbringing was fine. Better than fine. You're lucky."
     "You raised me. You took care of me. You fed me and made sure I was well and helped me financially in the areas you thought was necessary. But you never loved me."
     Otou-san shakes his head in disbelief, his expression furious. "Apologize at once."
Okaa-san's eyes widen in shock and hurt. "Tobio, take it back. How could you even say that?"
"Because it's true. Don't tell me it isn't."
Her jaw drops and she shakes her head. "Stop. Stop it. How dare you even suggest that? I am your mother."
"Okaa-san, I cannot name a time when I felt loved in this house. I was well looked after as I grew up. I know that. You didn't physically neglect me, not until recently."
Her eyes fill with anger. "Tobi, that's not true. I love you!"
"How have I been loved, Okaa-san?"
This stuns her. She takes a moment to answer. "I- I- I nursed you, I held you when you cried, I kissed you goodnight, I made sure you were on top of school, I- I- gave you the foods you liked, I called you when I-"
     "Stop. Please, just stop. Those things- That was about you. Doing those things for me would make your life easier. You made sure I wouldn't cry, or complain, or reflect badly on you or Otou-san. Every one of those things you just spouted started with I. You made my life about you, and you didn't even realize you weren't loving me.
     "So I'm going to live with the Hinatas for a little while. Not forever. I just need some time to think."
     Her eyes flash. "You'd take your father and me for granted and impose on—"
     "I'm not imposing on them! They treat me like family! I need the time for myself to better my mental health."
     "You aren't sick!"
     "I am! I am, Okaa-san! My depression is real, and I'm getting help and support, no thanks to you."
     "You don't need support for something that doesn't exist! Admit it, Tobio, you're looking for attention, just like you always have been!"
     "Shut up, dammit!"
     My father gets to his feet and points toward the door, fury on his face. "Out. Get out! You want to live somewhere else? Then go. We have given you everything, and you've taken it all for granted. What are you going to do when that family sees how truly ungrateful you are? Where will you go then?"
     I shake my head. "They'd never throw me out. Being a son has nothing to do with who I am or what I do." I scowl. "But I guess it's not like you would know."
     "Don't come back," my father growls. "If you ever think you've earned an ounce of respect for your parents, then you may, but I can clearly see that you don't have any now."
     "Fine! I won't! Gladly!" I march off to my room, stuffing all my school stuff into my backpack. I grab my overnight bag and fill it with as many clothes that will fit and my phone and charger. Volleyball in one arm, pillow in the other, and my bags slung over my shoulders, I don't even look at my parents as I leave the front door. They don't even deserve the effort of a glower.
I walk mindlessly in the cold, my mind blank. What have I just done? What do I do now?
There's only one thing I can think of to do. I have to call Hinata-sama.
The phone seems to ring ten times louder than normal in my ear. My chest squeezes when she answers. "Hello, Tobio? It's late, is everything okay?"
"Hello. So... yes, you know how I asked if I could stay with your family for a couple weeks? Well..." The whole story comes tumbling out.
"Oh, Tobio, love, I'm so sorry," Hinata-sama says. "But you don't have to worry about a thing. You'll stay with us, no question."
     "A-Are you sure?"
     "Of course I'm sure! You're always welcome with us. You're my son, and I love you, hear me?"
     "But—"
     "Say it."
     "I- I'm your son, and you love me..."
     "That's right. There's no one in this house who would say otherwise. Everyone here genuinely loves you, Tobio. You have a place with us."
     I thought I had no tears left. I don't know if they're for my own parents or not. If they are, they are of no place of loss. I've lost nothing but a home. An empty home. My breathing comes raggedly as my tears fall. How have I gotten so lucky?
"Thank you."