Rigid Crow

Hoping Over Wishing

It's been about a week since school break started and volleyball ended. I'll continue to practice in the until the next season at Karasuno starts, just because I have nothing else I'd like to do more than continue to pay volleyball. Well, there is one thing I will continue to do as well.
I enter the door to Hinata's hospital room to find Nishinoya and Hinata-sama already present. Nishinoya is going on about some new rolling thunder he's made up in an actually seemingly exciting one-sided conversation with Hinata. Hinata-sama is silently knitting from the chair in the back corner of the room.
"Oi, Noya-senpai," I greet, shifting the door behind me. "Kon'nichiwa, Hinata-sama."
Hinata-sama smiles gently and sets down her knitting. "It's nice to see you, Kageyama-kun. How has the start of your vacation been? I haven't seen you in the last few days."
     "It's been alright," I answer honestly, setting down my bag. "I'm still trying to find times to practice volleyball. Also, finding a part-time job couldn't hurt. I'm working at it, at least."
     "Good for you," Hinata-sama replies smiling, then casts a glance over at Hinata. "I'm sure Shōyō would be very gung-ho about all of that."
     "I don't doubt it," I agree, walking to the chair next to Hinata's bed that is not being occupied by Nishinoya.
     "Oh!" Hinata-sama exclaims, looking at her watch. "It's getting late. I should be getting home to pick up Natsu and make dinner. You boys take care, alright?" She stands up to leave.
     "Hai," Noya responds with a nod and a grin.
     "Sayōnara, Hinata-sama," I say as she steps out the door.
     As soon as she leaves, Nishinoya asks me, "Hey, Kageyama, why do you call her Hinata-sama?"
     I laugh and sit down across from Nishinoya, Hinata between us. "Hinata's father told Hinata that all women should be treated like queens. Hinata and I took it a little too seriously. He began calling his mom
Okaa-sama, and urged me to use the formal title, too. I guess it kinda stuck."
     Nishinoya sighs. "He'd better wake up." He then smiles. "I promised to buy him ice cream after we won the game because I'm his super cool senpai."
     "What about me?"
     "Well, that depends." Noya runs his fingers through his hair and grins. "Am I your super cool senpai?"
     "Hmm, I'll have to think on that one," I answer, sitting back, pretending to be deep in thought.
     Aww, you're no fun, Kageyama! Hinata's voice resounds through my head. I whip my head to look at the carrot-top shrimp, but I only see that he's still unmoving, never said a word. However, that's exactly what he would've said...
     "Oi, Kageyama, you okay?" Nishinoya reaches over and pokes my face.
     I smack his hand away. "Don't do that!" Noya simply laughs.
"You're too tense, Kageyama," Nishinoya says, crossing his arms. "I know things are rough right now, but you should try to let yourself go a little more. You know, in just a few months, you'll be a senpai, just like me! Soon, those first years'll be walking in the footsteps of the king: Kageyama-sama!"
"Don't call me that."
"All those first years will be looking up to you! And me, of course," Noya-san tells me and smirks.
"I already had someone looking up to me," I say wistfully. "And that took a lot of work."
"You look up to him, too, you know," Nishinoya says, casting a glance at Hinata.
"Down," I correct him.
     "We can't all be tall, you know," Nishinoya-senpai humphs.
     "And fine, I guess it's a mutual relationship." I'm not a great conversation starter, or even participator, so we sit in awkward silence for a few minutes. Finally, Nishinoya speaks up, his tone not really even indicating that he wants to break the silence. He only seems... crestfallen (Yachi taught me that word today, in case you were wondering).
     "I can't believe it hasn't even been two weeks," he says with a sigh, resting his head in his hands. "It feels like it's been forever. If... if he doesn't wake up... how long will we keep coming to do this? How long until... his parents decide for it to end?"
     My blood runs cold. The thought never crossed my mind. If Hinata doesn't wake up, how long will his parents wait until... until... "No," I reply, almost in decision. "It won't come to that. It can't come to that. You said it yourself, it hasn't even been two weeks. There's still time. Still time for him to wake up. To get better."
My own breath seems to catch in my throat, and my chest begins to feel tight with worry, fear, and so many other things I don't even know. Noya-san sniffles and looks away. And between us, Hinata, completely still.
It's so weird to see him so rigid, so unmoving. Before this, I'd never seen him stop moving! His legs would always be kicking slightly in class, he would have a skip in his step as we walked down the halls, and he'd be a pure ball of energy in volleyball practice.
"Takeda-sensei told me something the other day," I tell Nishinoya-san softly, looking down at the floor. "He got more information from the receptionist on details from the paramedics from as soon as they arrived to pick Hinata up and take him here."
"What is it?" Nishinoya's head shoots upright again as he stares intently at me, something between worry and determination in his gaze.
"From the moment they got there to the time he slipped into a coma... he was asking for me, Noya-san. I stood there, I didn't know anything! It's so stupid. I'm so stupid! I mean, he's so dumb in the first place to even be asking for me, but still," my voice breaks. "Will the last thing he ever remembers be that moment? Surrounded by paramedics, not knowing what's going on, terrified, asking for someone who can make you feel okay, but he never shows up? How awful is that, Nishinoya-san?" I bury my head in my hands. "How stupid can I be?" Everything plays back in my head, over and over and over. His head hitting the floor, him falling to the ground, the look of absolute pain and horror when the paramedics arrived. A look that never has been or should have been on his face. If I had only known, if I had just known-
     "Kageyama." Nishinoya cuts my awful trail of thoughts off and lays a hand on my shoulder across the bed. "I know nothing I say will make anything better," his face casts a dull, empty expression, totally unusual from the usual peppy smirk he always wears, "but it's happened. It's over now. There's nothing else we could've done. Nobody could've known or changed anything. It just happened. We can't spend our time wishing what could've happened if only we did this, if only we did that. But we can still have hope, right. I believe that Shōyō will get better. Hoping is better than wishing, don't you think?" He then gives me that signature, peppy smirk, fixing his expression, almost, for the moment, making everything right again.