Chasing You (Senior High Series #2)

6

Chapter 06

Mahina ako...

Madalas ko 'yang sinasabi sa sarili ko, madalas kong pinapamukha na ganito lang ako. Wala akong kayang patunayan, wala akong kayang gawin. Paulit ulit na ganoong mindset, hindi na nagbabago bagkus lalo  pang lumalala.

I was a nobody, a nerd who only knows is to study well make my grades maintain highest. Ganito kasi ako e. Papasok, tapos uuwi ganoon ang routine ko araw araw. I don't know if I get bored about it, but the only thing I knew that time was to escape the judgement.

Judgement of being 'anak sa labas' Kuya and I didn't meet our father, kasi ayaw ni mommy. Inilalayo niya kami sa panghuhusga, but no matter how she protect us from it. The dirty secret still a dirty secret.
I got bullied everyday, they throwing some hurtful words like I'm the most evil person a live.

"Malandi rin 'yan tulad ng nanay niya"

"Sabi nga ni mom, kabit daw talaga e"

"Look at her, she's a product of mistakes"

"Wala 'yan kunwari nerdy pero nasa loob ang kulo"

I still managed to go to school everyday, ignoring their words even those words turned into physical. They throwing me some crumble papers, sometimes they replacing my chair, pinapatid, even in rest room they throwing me a water inside the cubicle.

I didn't bother to tell mom about this, I don't want her to worry, she's very busy in her business. She's a single parent, I know how hard to play a role of mom amd dad in the family. That's why Kuya Caine pursue his dreams to help mom, he became my father and brother at the same time. I'm so lucky that he didn't make me denied, he never let me to get hurt.

"Hindi ka naman talaga matalino"

"Oo nga, baka sipsip ka lang talaga"

"Yeah! Lagi ka nga raw inuutusan diba?"

"Inuutusan ka naman pala e pasa mo nga 'tong notebook ko"

I was tired of everything, I was tired of being like me. I run from all of this, hoping the escaping can ease the paind inside. Umakyat ako sa roofdeck ng building namin, I shouted my pains my rants and everything. Wala akong mapagsabihan, walang taong handang makinig.

Pero akala ko wala...

"Kung magpapalaya sayo ay ang gawin 'yan, sana lagi mong gawin" napalingon ako sa nagsalita, nakita ko siya na nakasandal sa gilid ko, nakapamulsa. He looked at me and smile, he lend his handkerchief to me.  Kinuha ko naman ito.

"Ang hirap kapag wala kang mapagsabihan ng problema no?" Tumango ako, habang umiiyak parin. "Minsan akala natin, kaya nanatin pero darating sa point na hindi mo pala kaya ng ikaw lang"

"Yeah! But, it doesn't mean you can't"

"Kaya mo nga pero minsan kailangan mo rin ng taong mapagsasabihan, kasi may mga bagay na hindi dapat sinasarili lang"
Napatingin ako sakaniya nakatanaw siya sa buong school namin, dahil andito kami sa taas kaya tanaw ito.

"Minsan.. gusto ko na lang mawala. Gusto ko na lang umalis, gusto ko na lang lumayo sa lahat"

"No"

"What do you mean no?"

"People keep saying they want to run from their problems, they want to be gone. Pero... sa lagay mo" tumingin siya saakin "You're just  think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found" ngumiti siya, pero ang mga katagang 'yon ay parang kutsilyong sinaksak ako.