Smile for me || PJM.

thirty-five | weak and hurt

Jimin didn't show up to school the next day. And to say I was worried was an understatement.

After school I straight away called Taehyung.

Taehyung, Jimin didn't come to school today.

Oh god...

What?

He um... I'll go check up on him, you just go home, I'll call you later

What Tae-

The line cut off and I was even worried than before.

Why did he sound so panicked...? I mean I'm panicked too but...

I sighed and dragged myself home. Jimin and I weren't exactly on good terms and I didn't want to ruin his mood even more by showing up.

-----

Taehyung ran all the way over to Jimin's house and went in, going straight upstairs.

Seeing Jimin laying on the bed he rushed over, taking it all in.

His face was as pale as a ghost, with chapped lips. It looked like he was laying there for a while now.

"...J...Jimin..." he shook the older's shoulders desperately but he didn't wake up.

"Jimin! Wake up, please!" he begged and eventually, the older let out an almost inaudible groan, but it was heard by the younger.

Taehyung let out a sigh of relief then asked, "What happened?!"

Jimin opened his eyes slowly but closed them straight after.

Taehyung then realised that the older was probably really hungry and thirsty.

"...I'll go get water, hold on a minute." He went downstairs quickly and came back with a glass of water.

He helped the older sit up slowly, but stopped what he was doing when the older let out a sob.

Of... pain?

He then realised.

Looking down at the hand placed on the older's leg to make sure he wouldn't fall, he realised where he felt the pain.

He looked up with sad eyes and Jimin stared at him with blank eyes.

"I'm not letting you be alone, especially after-" He froze mid-sentence, but Jimin already knew what he was going to say. "After what? Say it."

Taehyung looked away then Jimin pulled his wrist free harshly. "Try and stop me, let's see if you can."

"...You did it, didn't you?" Jimin kept silent, his blank facial expression not changing at all.

"Just go..." he murmured. "...You know what I thought when you left after saying that yesterday?"

He stared into the older's eyes for a moment before saying, "I wanted to stop you, be there for you and not let you do anything that you'll regret."

Jimin looked away then said, "Well it's happened now, there's no point of you staying, so leave."

"Stop it." Jimin looked back at the younger as he continued, "Stop saying that you want to be alone, stop doing this to yourself. I can tell, you regret it don't you?"

Jimin looked away but Taehyung carried on talking, "It's never too late. Stop pushing us away, let us be here with you. I know you hate being alone, so-"

"Stop it." Jimin looked at Taehyung then said, "Stop pretending you know me." "Ji-" "I hate this, I hate you seeing me like this, I feel like shit. So do me a favour and stay out of my life! If it's better by the slightest, it's worth it! So please-"

He choked on his own sobs as Taehyung pulled him into a hug.

Needing something to hold onto, he grabbed the younger's shirt tightly and let the tears flow down his cheeks.

"G...go..." Taehyung only held him tighter and the older cried, trying to push him away but he was way to weak.

"I'm not going, we're not leaving you behind Jimin... don't worry."

Jimin kept trying to push the younger away, but gave up after a minute knowing it was no use.

He hated himself for doing it straight after admitting he hated it, but he completely broke down in his friend's arms.

Selfish. Useless. A burden. That's what he felt he was. There was no use in denying it, because he knew it was true. The fresh marks made on his arm clearly told him so.

He hurt himself, even though he knew the consequences. Even though he knew it was wrong, even though he knew he had people who worried about him because of it, people to stop him from doing it.

Yet he still did it. He stopped for a while... but he started all over again. The cycle started again... there was no escaping it.

He knew that.