The Bucket List

38

"I've got a question for you," I asked Colby, maybe 20 minutes later. We'd been gazing up at the milky way in a comfortable silence, the sound of the wind gently rippling the lake in front of us dancing into our ears.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Why...why haven't you given up on me yet?" I asked softly.

"Yet? You think I'm planning on giving up on you?" he asked.

"Well, I mean...it's not like we're going to know each other forever," I said.

"Says who?" he asked.

"No one, I guess. But that's how life works. You meet new people and then they drift away," I explained.

"I don't know what kind of life you've been living, Rose, but that is not how things have to be."

"Well it's not really in my control to keep people around me from leaving, now is it?" I pointed out.

"No, that's not what I mean. If they're planning on leaving in the first place, they're not worth a second of your time. If someone leaves you, you need to let them go. You don't want to hold someone back from who they're supposed to become," Colby replied.

"Can you just answer the question?" I asked. He sighed, and I looked over to see his eyes shut.

"I haven't given up on you because you're used to people giving up on you. You're used to people walking away and not giving you so much as a goodbye or a second glance. You're used to convincing yourself that you have no worth. You're used to being broken. You're used to just surviving. You're 20 years old and you have yet to really live. I hope I've been able to help you change that, though. We've got some crazy times ahead of us, I just know it.

"I haven't given up on you because you deserve someone who will stay. And I'd like to think I'm a good enough person to fill that position for you. And, you know. I'm sort of in love with you," he said.

"You're what?" I asked, jolting upright into a sitting position.

"Oh, don't act surprised," he said, still laying there on his back with his eyes closed. "Jess won't stop telling you that, I've told you myself that I have feelings for you, you saw how jealous I was when Eli stumbled into your life, and I even kissed you. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be here if I didn't love you. But I do, which makes me want to stay around that much longer."

"Oh," I said. I wasn't sure what else to say to that. He was right, I shouldn't have been surprised. And I wasn't, really. I think I'd known all along. But to hear someone say it directly to me? And to know that they really mean it? That's what surprised me.

"Solid response, thank you," he said.

"Well what else am I supposed to say?" I chuckled.

"I don't know, this is the part where you're supposed to either rudely reject me and leave me to wonder why I wasn't enough for you or declare your undying love that you have for me," he said.

"Yeah? And which do you think I'm going to do?" I asked.

"Hopefully the second one, but I know that your BPD gives you commitment issues and I can respect that," he said.

"Well, it might just be your lucky night," I said.

"And why's that?" he asked, finally sitting up.

"Because it's the second one," I whispered. It was nearly pitch black out, but I could see the corners of his lips twist themselves into a smile.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm sort of in love with you too," I said.

"Okay. So now this is the part where we either kiss all slowly and shit or just start having very rough sex on this rock," he said.

"Dude, what kind of movies do you watch? Is this where you're getting your ideas?" I asked.

"So was that a no to both?" he asked.

"I would fall into the water if we attempted the latter, so it's definitely a no on the second one," I said.

"And the first?"

"Yeah, we can do that," I giggled.