The Bucket List

30

"Welcome, welcome," I said, a few hours later as I ushered Jess into the house.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You just... you seem happy. Like, really happy. You texted me yesterday upset that you got diagnosed with this BPD thing but now you're on top of the moon. Oh, wait, you said there's mood swings. Is this one of those? Can you even tell when you're having those? Is it like a thing where OH MY GOD! ROSE ASHLEY GENTRY! DID YOU GET A TATTOO?" she screamed, noticing the plastic wrap on my arm.

"Mhm," I said, a big smile on my face. "I was supposed to take the wrap off a couple hours ago but I wanted you to see it first."

"After Colby, of course," she said.

"Huh? No, Colby hasn't seen it," I replied.

"You didn't tell him what you were getting in the shop?" she asked.

"Colby didn't go with me," I said.

"I know damn well you didn't do this alone. Who'd you go with? Kat?" she asked.

"Nope. I met someone," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face.

"Spill. Details," Jess said, plopping down onto my couch.

"Okay, so Colby convinced me to sign up for a group therapy thing. I went, and I met this guy Eli there. Here's the fun part: I had a date planned with Colby but he canceled last minute, so Eli took me out instead," I said.

"What? You just went out with some guy?" she asked.

"Yeah! He's got the same disorder that I do, so I decided it might be healthy to be around someone who can understand how my brain works," I said. "I just didn't think I'd end up liking him so much."

"Wait, woah woah woah. You like him as a person or you like...like like him?" asked Jess.

"We're not in the third grade," I laughed. "But maybe I do in fact like like him," I quickly added.

"No," groaned Jess.

"What?" I asked.

"But you had a good thing going with Colby. I could see it. He asked you on a date!" Jess said.

"Yeah, then ditched not even an hour before. Then, when he came over and met Eli, he was this total petty douchebag. Eli was nice and everything and Colby was just mean. So I spent my day with Eli instead and got a tattoo, which Colby should be happy about, because it was on my list," I explained.

"That's a mess I'll deal with when I have to. Let's see the tattoo!" Jess said. I sat down next to her on the couch and began picking at the tape on the inside of my upper arm, peeling it off to reveal the dark words. "Beautifully chaotic?" she asked.

"Beautifully chaotic," I repeated.

"And that means...?" she trailed off.

"It was something Eli said. That our minds might be a mess and we may never really know how to feel like normal people do, but there's a beauty to being broken," I said.

"Damn sis, that's deep. I like Eli already," she responded.

"Me too," I said.