The Bucket List

37

"So," said Sam, not even a week later as we sat around a campfire at the Crater Lake campgrounds. "How many things do you have left on that list?"

"Uh...seven. Not including camping, but we're clearly going to be able to cross that one off," said Colby.

"Jesus, do you have the whole thing memorized?" I asked him.

"Well, yeah. You don't?" he asked.

"No," I chuckled. "I couldn't even tell you what the things are."

"There's a cave, right?" asked Corey.

"And a date," said Sam.

"And to travel somewhere," added Jake.

"Did you all memorize it?" I asked.

"No. Colby just reads it every fucking day so we started reading it with him," said Jake.

"Well that's sort of cute," I said. Colby rolled his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.

"Brother, look at the stars," Corey said, peering straight up.

"Does your neck not hurt like that?" asked Sam.

"The sky got bling," said Jake. I looked up, staring at a sky more full of stars than I knew was real. "Is that...?"

"Yup. Rose, you want to come with me for a minute?" Colby asked, standing up.

"Where?" I asked. Instead of responding, he just reached out his hand to help me up. I took his hand and he led us closer to the giant lake, leaving the boys still at the fire staring up at the stars.

We walked for a little while, the night still except for the chirping crickets and crunching of branches under our shoes. Colby made his way up to a boulder sat just at the edge of the lake.

"You want me to go up there?" I asked.

"Yup. I'll help if you want," he said.

"If I want? Brother, I'm going to need," I said. He chuckled and got down onto a knee and placed his hands out to brace my foot.

"Come on," he said, nodding down at them with his head. I hesitantly stepped into his hand and he boosted me up until I found some handholds and pulled myself up, Colby appearing next to me soon.

We laid down on the big, smooth rock and stared up.

"To answer that question from earlier, yes. That is the milky way we're staring at," he said.

"No fucking way," I whispered.

"Pretty fucking amazing, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I agreed. "It really is."

"Hey, Rose," he said, facing me.

"Hm?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yea—,"

"No, really. Are you okay?" he asked.

"I...no," I laughed dryly. "I'm not okay."

"Is there anything I can do to help you get back to being okay?" he asked.

"No," I said. "But I think I'm okay enough." We sat in the dark, our eyes studying the stars for another moment.

"Rose, I'm really sorry that I—,"

"It is not your fault even though you bought the plane tickets. It is not your fault even though I blamed you for it. It is not your fault," I said.

"I know," he mumbled. "It's not your fault either."

"Well, yeah," I said.

"I don't just mean Krystal. I mean for that entire breakdown. That was out of your control. Do you even remember what happened?"

Wait...did I remember what happened? I knew what the pictures had shown me, I knew what everyone had told me, but...

"No," I realized. "I don't remember any of it anymore," I whispered.

"Not even what you said to us?" he asked.

"Nope. Not a single thing. Not anymore," I said.

"Then that's definitely not your fault," he said.

"I didn't even know I forgot."

"Brains do that sometimes. They hide away the information they don't want to remember. It literally may never come back to you," he replied.

"That might be for the best. I don't want to be scared of myself," I said, my voice gently cracking.

"You won't be," he said, pulling me closer.