The Bucket List

6

I decided I'd like to keep my job, but had my hours cut from 40 a week to only 15. Jess was sad that we wouldn't get to spend as much time together, but she was at my house practically every day.

                "So. The car?" Jess asked as we unloaded groceries into my new empty fridge and pantry.

                "Oh, my old one?" I asked.

                "Yes. We're smashing that shit. Did you want to invite your boyfriend to join us?" she asked.

                "Jessica Marie. He is not my boyfriend. Now stop saying that. I've been living here for a week. That's not long enough to fall in love with someone or whatever," I said.

                "Uh, yes it is. It's called love at first sight, genius. Why were you up on that roof, anyway? You never told me what happened," said Jess.

                "Oh. I, uh...," I trailed off, focusing on stacking cans into my pantry. "It's sort of personal."

                "Rose, honey, we've been together nonstop for six months. Plus we worked together when you still lived with Krystal, which was a thing for a year. I'm your best friend. You know you can tell me anything," she replied.

                "I know, it's just... I don't really know how to say it, I guess," I admitted. Jess set down the bag she was working on and looked at me.

                "If it's hard to say, then it's probably long overdue to being said," she replied. Hm. That was a good point.

                "Okay, well. You know how I've been sort of... struggling recently. I just wasn't happy with much of anything. You were the only thing keeping me going. I don't love my job, I hated my apartment, I hated my car, and I was honestly just sort of lonely. Not physically, though. We're almost always together and you know I love you endlessly. But when you're not with me, I can't help but think about maybe, just... you know. Not being here anymore," I said.

                "What, like moving back home to South Dakota?" she asked.

                "No, you're not understanding. I mean like, not being here. At all. Like, dying," I said.

                "Oh. Oh! OH! Rose! No! Have you really been thinking about that? Baby, come here," she said, holding out her arms. I set down my bag of groceries and walked over to join the hug. "You know you can tell me anything and everything. I know I'm not a lot, but having someone is better than having no one. I'm here for you, okay? Any time you need me, day or night. You call and I'll be here."

                "Thank you," I whispered.

                "Is that why you're making a bucket list?" she asked.

                "Yeah. Colby said that if we finish the list and I still want to kill myself, then he won't stop me," I said.

                "WHAT! That is a terrible plan! Who does that boy think he is? No! I'm marching over there right now to give him a piece of my mind," Jess said.

                "Jess, no," I said.

                "Nope. You're not stopping me. Now are you coming with or staying here? Wait, no, you're coming with. I'm not leaving you alone," she said.

                "Oh my god, it's not like I need a babysitter," I said.

                "Except you do. Now come on, I prefer you alive," she replied. She grabbed my hand and dragged us out of the front door and over to the Traphouse. I was expecting her to knock, but she just walked right in.