The Bucket List

24

                I sighed when I heard Colby sit down next to me on the porch. I guess when Krystal had gone back in, he'd considered that his opportunity to speak with me alone.

"The stars look really pretty," he said. I nodded in response, not caring that it was probably too dark for him to even see. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said.

"How come?" he asked.

"Because you're right," I replied.

"No, I'm not. I shouldn't have said that and you shouldn't believe it," he responded.

"Colby, really. It's okay. I know that I've obviously got some issues. But so does everyone else. Mine are just more...dangerous than others," I said. "It's probably just a phase or whatever."

"Doesn't matter if it's a phase or not. If you don't live through it, the phase won't ever end," he pointed out.

"See? You're right again," I chuckled.

"So, you want to know why I was at your house?" he asked.

"Desperately, yes," I replied.

"Okay, well...," he started.

"BRO!" Jake screamed, running onto the porch with us.

"What?" asked Colby.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Cops," Jake said. He'd barely gotten the word out of his mouth when dozens of people came streaming out behind him, heading away from the house. I stood up and peered around the house's corner and was able to see faint blue and red flashing lights.

"Come on, we have to run. I'm not going to jail again," said Colby.

"Wait, again?" I asked. But before I got an answer, Colby grabbed my hand and started running, pulling me along in the process. We sprinted through all of the grass over to the line of people huddling around the single ladder. We all waited, chatting anxiously, urging the people in front of us to move faster.

"Oh, fuck this. Come on," Colby sighed, grabbing my hand. He pulled me against the crowd back into the house, then grabbed a barstool. We ran back out to the backyard and he helped me over before following suit and yelling for the rest of the friend group to come follow.

We all started running, police lights illuminating the air around us.

"In here," I said, pointing at my back door after a short run. Colby and I ducked into my house, everyone else en route to the Traphouse.

I shut my back door behind me and leaned against the cool glass, out of breath.

"We made it," I chuckled.

"No, we didn't," Colby said.

"Huh?" I asked. He pointed at the front door. The windows on either side were faintly illuminated with flashlights.

"They're going to come talk to you since you're next door. Go change into pajamas as fast as you can," he said, urging me upstairs. I sprinted into my room and threw on a sports bra and sweats, then put my hair into a fluffy messy bun and rubbed my eyes, causing my black eye makeup to smear. I ran back downstairs and got a tub of ice cream out of the freezer along with a single spoon.

"What are you doing?" Colby asked.

"Trust me. Now go hide," I said. Colby tucked himself away in the kitchen just as I heard someone knocking on my door. I jabbed my spoon into the tub of ice cream, then made my way over to the door, where I was greeted by two police officers.

"H-how can I help you?" I asked with a sniffle.

"Hi, we're here about...are you okay?" one of them asked.

"I'm sorry I look like such a mess, my boyfriend just broke up with me. Was I playing music too loud?" I asked.

"Uh, no ma'am. We're here about the house next door. Someone seems to have trespassed on the property and thrown a party," he replied.

"Next door? Sam and Colby's house?" I asked.

"No, other neighbor," he said.

"Oh, I've never been over there. That fence is much too high to climb even if I wanted to," I said, taking a big bite of ice cream.

"We just wanted to ask you a few routine questions about—,"

"Aw, hell, Russ. Let's give the girl a break. She's clearly a mess," the other officer said, speaking up for the first time.

"Right," Russ said.

"Sorry to bother you, ma'am. Here's my card, call if you need anything," said the other officer, handing out a business card to me.

"Thank you. Have a good night, sir," I replied. They nodded in response before leaving to go back to their cars. I shut the door and locked it, then waited till I could no longer see the glow of their flashlights to go find Colby in the kitchen.

"Did that actually work?" he asked.

"The police are so fucking corrupt. They aren't going to question a sad white girl without substantial reasoning," I said.

"I hate cops," Colby sighed.

"Join the club," I said.

"Well, aside from all of that, did you enjoy your first-ever rager?" he asked, wandering over to plop on the couch.

"It wasn't bad," I admitted.

"Great, then you get to check it off the list," he said, tossing me that little notebook that never seemed to leave his pockets.

I stared down at the shrinking list and crossed off 'go to a rager', making it even shorter. There were now only ten things keeping me alive. Only ten more things I had to do before I was allowed to stop fighting, allowed to let go.

"What are you thinking about?" Colby asked softly. I looked up at him, the notebook still in my hands.

"Just about how weird it is to be alive," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean how happy you are and how well you do completely revolves around your own brain. My brain doesn't let me be happy and it's limited almost every aspect of my life," I said.

"Rose, that's normal for people with things like depression. It literally engineers your brain to make you feel alone when that is very much not the case," he replied.

"I know. I know I'm not alone," I said.

"Good. Because I'm here for you. Always," he replied.