I Guess They Never Disappear

Chapter 9

Trigger Warning: Large Argument/Screaming (Do Not Read if this is a trigger, please stay safe!)

Jared POV

Evan pushes his finger along a stripe on my bedspread.

He turns back towards the window, coughing.

I return my focus to my portfolio website and adjust the hex coloring of the header. 

Evan coughs again.

I turn around and he's facing towards the window. 

Something is up.

"What the fuck is going on with you, Evan? Spend too much time with your succulents last night?"

Evan's eyes tear up a little bit. 

"I..." he begins. He cuts himself off and turns back to the window. 

Look what you've done, Jared. You were doing fine, up until now. You were able to walk that line you could never find in high school; distant, but still there. 

And now you've fucking fallen off of the cliff. 

Might as well commit to the part. 

Or not. 

I don't want to hurt him. 

But maybe it's time we got rid of him, at least for a bit, because you'll become an eighth-grader again, Jared, and that is not an acceptable way to feel. You already screwed up last week, calling him Evan. Too close. 

Distance, Jared. I would've hoped you would understand the concept at this point, what with your entire life being a good proof of that theorem. 

Evan shuffles in the background again. 

"You have something to say, Evan... Hansen?"

"No."

Goddammit, Jared. 

I try to focus on my code, but what with Evan in the background coughing and shuffling and sniffing and shifting this is the absolute hardest multitasking I've ever done.

And I've done some hard multitasking. Evan is generally hard to multitask around. 

It was really hard. 

It wasn't that bad of work once I was done, though. 

Although it was pretty rough to do. 

That sounds kinky. But I am a kinky boy. 

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Or rather, at ass, if ass is a direction. 

He's not under me, you dirty fools. He's behind me. Get it? Like y'know, ass is a word for behind or...

I've decided that the coding can wait until later, Evan is my first priority. 

Wait, that makes it sound like I have some interest in the guy. 

Which I Do Not. 

And I Have Never. 

The thought of that disgusts me. Like if I went to some store, fuck, let's call this store, uh, Lush. Right? And I just poured an entire fucking bottle of soap in my mouth. And then ran out. 

Like, that would be disgusting. 

Anyways, Evan Hansen. 

Who is sniffing again. 

God, is he crying? I can't have him crying, because that's just Not a situation I want to deal with right now. 

I spin around in the chair aggressively.