Chapter 55: Everyone ~ Zooey

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Zooey swung open the slider that led into the backyard, wiping viciously at her eyes in the hopes that any tears she had shed weren't noticeable. She took a long drink from the beer she had found in a random cooler just inside. It was a spiteful chug, undoing any of the sobriety Lila had tried to gain back for Zooey when she had fed her that water earlier. She didn't care how much she drank because all she really wanted to do now was go home. There was no use staying at this party any longer. But the Rolland's house was far closer to the coast near Borne's pier than it was to Zooey's apartment complex. Walking this late at night was probably dangerous, and no doubt Zooey's mother would freak out if she found Zooey arriving back home on foot.

Her mother would try and call Mr. Cooper, knowing that Hunter was supposed to be driving all of them home that night. And Zooey would be begging her not to, and she couldn't bear to tell her mother why. She couldn't bear to have to explain that all those years where she had quietly admired Hunter, he had been looking at someone else. And not just someone else, but her closest, best friend.

Zooey thought about that night at the beach after freshman year when she had spotted Hunter looking down at the water where Lila had been standing. Or how much closer Hunter and Lila had gotten those two weeks she was away in the summer for soccer camp and Michael was away for baseball camp. Or the way Hunter always seemed to look away whenever Michael threw his arm around Lila's waist, or reached out for her, or kissed her. She had always just assumed he felt awkward watching his little brother have these intimate, public moments with his girlfriend when all this time, it hadn't been that at all. He was jealous. Lovesick. He was hurt that it wasn't him doing those things with her.

It was almost funny, seeing the resemblance in both of their experiences. When Zooey had such deep feelings for Hunter, she had done all of the same things. How could she not have noticed it in someone else? Maybe she was just far too worried about her own life to even notice. Perhaps it was that she never, ever thought something like this would happen. It felt like a betrayal, like the trust she had so deeply with Hunter and with Lila had been broken. She knew it wasn't right to feel this way; neither of them were doing anything wrong by her. She wasn't dating Hunter; she never had dated him... But she really liked him. Had really liked him. And Lila knew that, and yet, she had never said anything to Zooey about this, not for an entire year. Hunter said Lila didn't feel the same way about him, but if Lila could hide this knowledge she had about Hunter for that whole year, could she have also hidden feelings, too?

Zooey felt like she was breaking her own heart all over again. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, watching several of the baseball boys splashing aggressively in the pool. A few of them were playing games of chicken, with girls from the cheerleading squad, soccer, and basketball teams all thrown up on their shoulders. She suddenly felt a pair of hands on her own shoulders and she turned, finding Seth staring back at her.

"Hey," he said. His eyes were a little more dazed and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, giving a sweet kiss to her temple. "You doing alright? The soccer guys grabbed me for a game of quarters, and it got a little out of hand. What's wrong?"

Zooey pulled away from him, shaking her head and wiping at her nose once more. She couldn't meet his eyes. Every part of her felt guilty, knowing that her tears were because of someone else, someone else that wasn't him. She thought she was over this. Hunter had gone off to MIT, he'd gone off to Spain. She had moved on. She liked Seth. She loved Seth. So why did she care so much that Hunter was interested in someone else that wasn't her?

Maybe it was because it wasn't just interest. That was the thing about all of these other girls before tonight. Zooey could just roll her eyes and know it wouldn't last long, just like all those other girls from Hunter's class could when she had gone with him to Carter Mason's house a few summers ago. But there was something else those girls knew too. Hunter had been filling a void because he wanted someone else, and it was someone he couldn't have, would never have.

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