Because of that Night (Book 2)

Chapter 35: Lila

Lila had such different expectations for how the summer before junior year would be, but that summer had been nothing short of strange. She thought that it would be filled with trips to Richardson's with Zooey, late night fires at upperclassmen's houses, and being able to drive whenever and wherever she wanted. The summer did include those things, but one person wasn't apart of much of any of it: Michael. Even stranger, another had taken his place, almost like filling the void: Hunter.

Ever since that first day back working at Garnsey, Lila began to feel a world existing again from not so long ago. It was almost like they were back to that first semester sitting next to each other in art class. Their conversations were natural and smooth. They would eat lunch together at work sites and sometimes would say nothing at all because of how exhausted they were from work that day. But the silences felt comfortable and calming. All those months of struggling to understand Hunter's sudden coldness towards her didn't seem to matter anymore. It was as if no time had passed at all, as if those months of distance had never even existed.

The end of June and all of July Lila struggled to find something to disguise her sadness from Michael's lack of communication. It had been nearly impossible to get through the day without thinking of him at least twenty times. She wondered how he was doing, how the camps were going, if the travel up the east coast was incredibly grueling or not. She would grow angry at times, hoping he was miserable without her and felt too guilty to reach out because he had been the one to place them here, he had made this decision. But all the same, she then would feel her own sense of guilt, replacing these angry thoughts with hopes that camps were going well and that this time apart was productive for him. She felt desperate and stupid, but she just couldn't help it. She could do everything possible to keep her mind off of him, but her brain would travel to thoughts of him no matter what without her permission.

It was helpful to have Zooey to talk to about her feelings, but she could sense her growing tired of Michael being the constant subject matter. Plus, she knew Zooey had larger things on her plate to worry about than Lila's silly little problems. The nights they would sit out on the beach or on the hood of Lila's car eating ice cream and talking always led to Lila's heartbreak and Zooey's family problems. Each day that went by, Zooey seemed more and more convinced that her parents were nearing the end of their attempts to remain together.

"It's their body language, you know?" Zooey explained one night. "They used to have these big, passionate fights. It's almost like they have no fight left in them. Something happens, and there's no part of them left that cares enough to argue."

"Maybe it's just a rough patch," Lila offered.

Zooey had scoffed, taking another bite of her ice cream. "It's been a rough patch for the past two years."

Lila hadn't known what to say. She never did in these situations. She could be the best possible friend to Zooey, but at the end of the day, she would never understand how it felt for Zooey to walk into her family's apartment day in and day out and try to be the one to hold everything together. Lila didn't grow up in a two-family household, hell, she felt as though she didn't grow up in a household at all. It had always been her and her mother. Her father had wanted nothing to do with Lila from the beginning, and her mother had no other options. They made their way for as long as they could from place to place.

Lila couldn't understand why she felt both sorry for Zooey and envious of her all at once. Even though her parents weren't getting along the way she wished for them to, she had gotten to live in one place for her entire life. All of that stability; it was something Lila craved so desperately. It hurt her heart to see Zooey losing some of it with the way her parents' marriage was deteriorating. But what Lila could say to make any of it better, she had no idea. Sometimes all she could think of was her own self-pity.