The Genesis of Peyton Vol. 2

Chapter Twenty-five

"Oh shit, Peyton's calling," I say, pulling my phone out of my pocket.
"Answer it," Vanessa says, taping a cardboard box closed. We're at her house, loading her things into the U-Haul.
"Act natural."
Vanessa laughs. "You act natural."
I hit the answer button and put the phone to my ear. "Hey babe," I say, trying to sound casual.
"Hey, been a while," she says and I can instantly tell she's upset.
"I know, we just haven't caught each other lately, have we?"
"I guess not."
I stand up and leave Vanessa's room. "You're mad?" I walk out the front door and sit on the back of the truck, already almost half full with boxes and furniture.
"No, I just- do you have time to talk?"
A knot starts to form in my stomach. I suddenly feel nervous. "Yeah, sure," I say.
"So, I have to tell you something and I just need you to let me explain everything before you say anything," she says, rapidly.
"P, wait," I say. "I think I need to say something first."
"No, please just let me get this out."
I can tell it's not going to be good, I can hear her already starting to cry. "What I'm about to say may change what you say."
"I kissed someone," she blurts out. "More than once. I don't know why I did it. I think I just miss you or I'm just confused, I don't know. I don't have an excuse but I am sorry and I wish I could take it back."
I absorb her words and feel my blood turn to lead. Everything feels heavy, it's hard to breathe. "I'm moving to Jersey," I say softly, barely any air behind my words.
"You're what?" Peyton asks in disbelief, not because she didn't hear me.
"I'm literally packing a moving truck right now. I was going to surprise you and FaceTime you when we were halfway across the country or something."
"We?"
"Vanessa and I. We're moving to the east coast for you. Who was it?" I feel the anger building inside me.
"Does that really matter?" She's audibly crying now.
"It was her wasn't it? The drug addict. You told me, Peyton. You told me not to worry and I trusted you."
"Gen, please. Let me explain."
"Explain what? I don't need to know the details. You made a conscious choice, more than once. Unless that's it, you weren't conscious. Are you on drugs now too?"
"No," she shouts. "Please don't be mad."
How can she expect me not to be mad? Honestly, more than anything, I'm upset. I'm hurt.
"Can I have a minute to process this? Are you breaking up with me?" I ask.
"No, I don't know. Do you want to break up with me?"
"Do you like this girl? Would you rather be dating her? Is it because we're long distance because I'll be there by Thursday."
"Thursday?" Of course that's the only part she's worried about.
I nod even though she can't see me. I don't have the energy to say anything.
"I love you," she basically whispers.
"Is that enough?" I whisper back.
I sit for a few seconds just listening to her cry. I hope Becca's there to comfort her. Even though she hurt me I don't like that she's hurting too.
"Thank you for telling me," I say, trying to keep my voice calm. "I'm going to need a minute to figure out what to do next."
"Ok," she croaks. Despite everything, I wish I could hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok but I don't know if that's true.
"I'll call you later."
"I'm sorry," she says again.
"I know," I say and hang up.
I take a few deep breaths and will myself to stand up. If I'm going to breakdown, it's not going to be in the back of a U-Haul.
I walk into Vanessa's room and sit down on her bed.
"Was she excited?" Vanessa says with her back to me.
"She cheated on me," I say, letting the word fall out for the first time.
Vanessa turns around so fast she almost knocks a box off the small desk she's had forever that she's leaving behind. "No she didn't."
I just nod.
She walks over and sits next to me. "What does that mean?"
I know she means "what does it mean for us?" Are we still moving? What's going to happen when we get there?
"I don't know," I say. "I never thought this would happen. Honestly, I thought if someone was going to fuck up it would be me. I don't know what happened."
"Do you still want to move?"
"I quit my job," I say with a humorless laugh. "I already sent money for the apartment."
"Maybe being close to her will make everything go back to normal."
I'm grateful for her optimism but I don't believe it. I don't think things could ever be normal again after this.
"You still have me," Vanessa says, quieter. "We can still have a fuck ton of fun."
I smile at "fuck ton" but it doesn't last long. I feel my eyes start to sting and cover my face with my hands. I let myself cry. And more than that, I let Vanessa hold me.
Usually, I just hide myself away in my room, under the covers and bite the head off of anyone who tries to help. Her arms around me, her slight rocking and her soft, soothing words makes me cry harder but somehow I know it's helping.
Eventually, I'm going to have to think about this, about what it means and what I should do but right now, I let it all go.