The Genesis of Peyton Vol. 2

Chapter Thirteen

I pop a small white pill into my mouth and swallow. I keep them right next to my bed because taking them is always the first step to getting up. I know it's more of a placebo effect because I start feeling better as soon as I know it's in my system. But I also know how I feel if I don't take it.
I swing my legs over the side of my bed and stand up. Step two.
The next step is taking a shower, brushing my teeth and then getting dressed. When I finally make it downstairs, Luke has left a plate of eggs and bacon for me on the stove. It looks delicious but I have to take slow, mechanical bites to not irritate the nausea that's lurking at the bottom of my stomach.
As I sit at the kitchen table, pushing my food around the plate, I'm consumed by my thoughts. Two girls, my two best friends faces swim around my head.
Peyton, my love, so far away that I can't touch her, can't see her yet it's the only thing I want right now. Before I even realize it, I'm on my phone searching for flights to New York. It's not rational or responsible for me to go visit her again so soon. I know I would feel better, calmer, if I could just be close to her.
Then there's Vanessa. Peyton and my mom both said to give her time, let her come to me but I need to know if she's ok. I need to know if we can work this out because if we can't, I don't know what I'll do. Truthfully, I'd probably go to New York and not just for a visit. I couldn't walk around this town without the two most important people to me, besides my family. But mom has Luke and Mike and Mike has Peach, still. They'd all be fine without me.
What if Peyton didn't want me? What if I showed up and told her I was moving just down the street and she wasn't happy? What if I lose everyone?
I shake my head and force my thoughts onto another path. I have to fix the current problem before I create more. Nothing technically was broken between Peyton and I, at least I didn't think so. Our only issue was the distance but we're navigating it as best as we can.
I put my plate in the sink and walk through the living room. My mom is folding clothes and Luke is on the couch with his laptop.
"I'm going to fix it," I say and keep walking through the room, grabbing my keys and walking out the front door.
In the car, I decide not to completely surprise her. I hit a button on my steering wheel and hear a beep. "Call Vanessa," I command.
It rings only twice before she answers. "Hey, I was just about to call you," Vanessa says, her voice sounding completely normal.
"You were?"
"Yeah, want to go to that new Thai place for lunch today? I just saw their post on Instagram and their food looks bomb."
"Uh, yeah, sure," I say, confused. "I'm actually on my way to you now. I was hoping we could talk."
"About what?" She chirps.
"Last night?"
"Oh, I texted that girl this morning. She hasn't texted me back though, probably doesn't even remember me."
Vanessa had said last night that when she woke up she would act like nothing happened but I didn't know just how serious she was about that. "That's not what I mean," I say, softly as I pull into her driveway. "I'm here."
I end the call before she can say anything and turn off my car. I get out and walk up to the front door where Vanessa stands, holding it open for me.
"Gen, please," she starts. "I don't want to talk about that."
I walk past her and stand inside to wait and see where she wants me to go. She points to the couch. "My parents are shopping."
I sit down on the couch and wait for her to sit with me but she doesn't. She sits in the chair across the room.
"I want to talk about it," I say, slowly, tentatively. "I need to. I need to know what this means for us."
Vanessa sighs. "It doesn't mean anything, nothing has changed. I truly don't remember everything I said so can we just move past it?"
I sit up and rest my elbow on my knees. "Ness, this changes things a little bit. I mean, it has to, I don't want to lead you on or upset you in any way."
Vanessa laughs. "You can't lead me on if you don't know you're doing it. Trust me, you're not doing anything wrong, it's all me. I know you're in love with Peyton, I know you two are perfect for each other and I promise I'm so happy for you but there will always be this feeling in the back of my heart."
She sounds happy and sad at the same time. Her face is smiling but her eyes look like they could cry.
"But I can live with that," she continues. "I can carry that feeling with me as long as you're in my life. You're my best friend and I always want you to be."
My heart swells and my limbs feel lighter. That's what I wanted her to say, that we can still be and always will be best friends. But I hear my moms voice in my head saying I can never forget Vanessa's true feelings. No matter what she says about this not changing things or it being impossible for me to lead her on, I needed to start being conscious of how I acted toward her.
"Are you sure?" I ask. "Because as much as I don't want to lose you either I would totally understand."
"I had to love you for three years while pretending I hated you. I'm not losing any more time."
I smile at her and feel the effects of my medicine kick it. Or maybe it's just real happiness.
"You have to keep me in line though, no unnecessary touching and I'll try my hardest not to kiss you again," I tease.
Vanessa raises an eyebrow.
"Not a funny a joke, I realize that now," I say.
She laughs and I laugh and before I can stop myself I'm up and crossing the room, scooping her up into my arms. I squeeze her tight and apologize a million times for everything I've ever done to her in the history of our friendship.
"It's ok," Vanessa says through her laughter. "I promise, we're ok."
I let her go and step back to look at her face. She really looks like she means it but I make a mental note to be more conscious of her subtleties.
"So, have you talked to Peyton today?" She asks.
"Yeah, she called earlier. Apparently her and Becca had to take care of some drunk girl last night."
"Wow, so you guys did the same thing," she says sarcastically.
"Ha ha," I say, deadpan. "Maybe we shouldn't drink together anymore."
"Good plan," she says. "Sober friends."
"We're not alcoholics."
"We're loveaholics."
I can't argue that.