The Genesis of Peyton Vol. 2

Chapter Twenty-four

I walk into class hesitantly. I don't know how I'm supposed to act when I see Kyann. I still haven't talked to Gen, we've been playing phone tag. And I still don't know what I'm going to say to her once we do talk. I know she's going to ask me what that means for her and I and I don't know the answer. That scares me.
Fortunately and unfortunately, Kyann doesn't show up to class. Last night she said she'd be here so the slight panic I feel is valid. I pull out my phone mid lecture and text her.
She doesn't text me back.
After class, I find myself walking toward her building. I don't know which room is hers so I'm not sure what I think I'm going to do once I get there.
There's a girl outside the door smoking a cigarette. "Hey, do you know a Kyann who lives in this building?" I ask, before I even realize I'm doing it.
"Yeah, 214," she says, telling me what I assume is her room number, a total stranger.
I have the urge to yell at her for giving out someone personal information but I'm grateful for it.
The 2 implies it's on the second floor so I quickly locate the elevator and hop on when it arrives. On the second floor, I figure out which way the numbers go and follow them until I'm outside 214. What do I do now?
I raise my hand to knock just as the door swings open. A girl with stringy blond hair and bright blue eyes almost runs into me.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there," she says in a squeaky voice. She reminds me of Peach which should make me smile but ultimately reminds me of Gen and I feel sick.
"Sorry," I say. "Uh, is Kyann here?"
The girl points her finger at me. "You're Peyton."
"I am."
She giggles. "She's in her room, second door on the right." She squeezes past me and walks down the hallway, leaving me, a stranger, in her dorm room.
I follow the girls instructions and find myself in front of Kyann's room. I knock twice but it's so light I doubt she hears it. I knock again.
Nothing.
I decided I came all this way, I might as well get what I came for. I turn the knob and push the door open. Kyann's laying face down in her bed, one arm hanging off the side. The blanket barely covers her, she's wearing only a T-shirt and underwear.
I should leave. I turn to go but hear her start to stir.
"Peyton?"
I turn to see her propped up on her elbow, her hair an even bigger mess than usual. She puts her other hand on her forehead and winces.
"Hi," I say.
"What are you doing here?" She asks, her voice thick with sleep and something else. She doesn't sound like herself. She sits up to a sitting position slowly, almost swaying.
"You weren't in class." So I wanted to check on you? I was worried about you? I missed you? I don't know.
"Shit, I turned my alarm off. It was too loud," she says, as if this is a good enough explanation. She sits with her legs crisscrossing, holding her head in her hands.
"Are you alright?" I ask, because it doesn't seem like she is.
"Yeah, I just have a headache," she says.
She stands up and tries to stretch but almost falls backward. I step forward and grab her around her waist before she falls completely. This close to her, I instantly know why she doesn't feel good.
"You're hungover," I say, I don't have to ask. I can smell the alcohol on her breath.
"Maybe a little bit," Kyann says, snaking her arms around my back and resting her chin on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"You're an adult, you can make your own choices," I say, stepping backward and breaking her hold on me.
"You're mad."
I shake my head. "Not mad. Confused, maybe. A little disappointed." I feel stupid because she's not my responsibility. I shouldn't be acting like her mother but for some reason I am hurt.
She bends down and steps into a pair of jeans that were on the floor. "I know."
The air in the room shifts. I suddenly feel like she's the one who's mad.
"I think I'll just go," I say, turning to leave.
"You know, this hurts me too," she says, softly.
I don't turn around but I stay where I am.
"My feelings are tangled up in this. You can't expect me to be perfect all the time. One second you say not to tell anyone we kissed then the next you kiss me in public. I'm trying to give you time to figure it out but it's weighing heavy on me."
"You don't have anything to lose," I say, turning back to face her. "If I give up what I have for something I know nothing about and end up broken in the end then all of this will be for nothing. Gen loves me, she's willing to uproot her entire life to be here with me. I have a future right now, what do you have to lose?"
I don't mean to sound as harsh as I do, like I have everything and she has nothing. I'm just trying to make her understand why it's not a choice that can be made overnight.
"You," she says, answering my rhetorical question. "I could lose you. And if I do, I know I'll lose myself. I mean, I came back last night and got black out drunk because I couldn't deal with the thought of you choosing Gen. That'll be it for us, we won't even be able to be friends anymore. Without you, I'll die. So I have that to lose, I guess."
"Don't say that," I say through my teeth. "Do not make me feel guilty. I can only help you so much, at some point you have to want it for yourself."
"I want to be better for you! I don't care about myself nearly as much as I care about you."
"Well, that sounds like a problem. And not mine."
I stomp my way towards the front door. I didn't come here to fight. I know I've already said too many irreversible things.
"Peyton, stop," Kyann calls, following me down the hall.
I have my hand on the door knob but Kyann places her hand on the door, keeping me from opening it. "Don't go. I'm sorry."
Two words have never broken my heart before.
I let my hand drop from the doorknob but I don't move. "I didn't mean to be so bitchy," I say. "I didn't expect to fight with you."
"I don't want to fight," she says, letting her hand drop from the door. "Just forget everything I said, I didn't mean it anyway."
"I can't just forget that," I say, turning to face her. She's a lot closer to me than I thought. "I told you I would be there for you and I want to be. I don't want to be the reason you get drunk or worse."
"It's not your fault. I'm an adult, I make my own choices." She smiles a little, repeating what I said earlier.
"I have to talk to Gen," I say, looking down at my feet, away from her eyes. "That's step one any way I look at it."
Kyann nods and I see her fingers twitch in my direction, like she wanted to reach for my hand and decided against it.
"And you," I say, looking up at her again. "No more skipping classes. And you should join the AA club they have on campus. They meet every Wednesday at 3:30 in room G08."
"Did you look that up for me?" Kyann asks, narrowing her eyes.
"I may have researched it the day after you overdosed and I had to carry you back to my dorm."
"I don't blame you."
I sigh and push my hair out of my face. "I'm going to go call her. I'll let you know how it goes."
Without warning she wraps me in a hug planting her lips on the top of my head. "You can do this," she says.
How ironic is it that the person I cheated on my girlfriend with is the one supporting my decision to tell my girlfriend I cheated on her?