The Genesis of Peyton Vol. 2

Chapter Seven

    "What do I do?" I ask Becca, sitting across from her at our table at Angelo's. Steel is working so we've been going back and forth between our dilemmas.
    "You stop freaking out because you have a girlfriend who loves you," Becca says. "Just because some hot chick asks you where the party's at doesn't mean you ruin your relationship."
    Becca glances behind me every few seconds and I know she's watching him.
    "Ok, well what are you going to do? Because if I have to sit here and watch you make puppy dog eyes from across the room one more time, I'm going to say something to him."
    Becca snaps her eyes back to me. "No you're not," she says, intensely. "That would be so embarrassing and ruin every chance I'd ever have. I'm working up to it, ok?"
    "Fine," I say, knowing that if things were reversed, I wouldn't want to be pushed either. "So do I text her?"
    Becca groans. "Christ in a cab, yes! Text her the address, act like a normal person. Who knows, maybe you'll make a new friend."
    Right, I could do that. Just calm the hell down, forget about her looks and get to know her as a person. Maybe we could be friends.
    I nod and pull out my phone, opening my messages app. I notice first that Gen never texted me back after I told her I was eating dinner. Maybe she thought that meant I couldn't talk but I didn't mean it that way. I'll call her when we get back to the dorm.
    I click on Kyann's name and stare at the text that's already there. All it says is "hey" but my mind plays it in my head in her voice.
    I type out the address and hit send.
    "So this means you're going to the party, then?" Becca asks.
    Of course I wanted to go, a vampire wanted to drink blood didn't they? But just because you want something doesn't mean you should.
    "Not necessarily," I say.
    "But you want to see her," Becca says, not asking.
    My phone buzzes in my hand and I look down at the screen.
    "See you there," Kyann texted back.
    I feel an unwanted excitement and try to keep the corners of my mouth from pulling up.
    I put my phone face down on the table and lift my eyes, looking anywhere but at Becca. "Whatever," I mumble.

    Back in the dorm, I prepare myself to call Gen. I have to tell her that I am going out tonight but I don't really have to tell her how or why I came to that decision.
    Becca goes down to the bathrooms to shower, leaving me to have this conversation all on my own. I put the phone to my ear and hear it ring twice.
    "Hey, P," Gen chimes. I can hear muffled noise in the background.
    "Hey, are you busy?" I ask, sounding too hopeful.
    "No, I'm just out to dinner with Ness," she says. I hated the tiny knife that twisted in my stomach when she used that nickname.
    "Oh, I'll let you go then," I say, feigning politeness but really having a hidden agenda.
    "No, you're good," Gen says quickly. "What's up?"
    "Hi Peyton," I hear Vanessa yell in the background.
    "Hey," I say, even though she can't hear me. Gen relays the message. "Nothing's up, just about to start getting ready."
    I knew I wouldn't have to say more than that. There's a short pause and I wonder what her face looks like. I should've video called.
    "So you're going?" She asks, her voice surprisingly light.
    "Yeah," I say. "I don't want Becca to have to go alone." Technically it was true, I don't like either one of us taking the train by ourselves.
    "That's nice of you," Gen says, sounding genuine. "Well, have a good time. Don't worry about calling before bed."
    "You should do something," I say quickly. "Go out with Vanessa tonight, somewhere out of town." I wanted her to live her life. I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't do anything because I wasn't there. If I was going to keep doing the things I've been doing, she should be able to, too.
    "Yeah, maybe." I notice her voice change slightly.
I'm confident that Vanessa won't let her spiral. Even if they don't go out and do something, she'll stay with Gen all night if it means keeping her from going over the edge.
    I feel selfish and guilty. If my going to a party could send my girlfriend into a depression, shouldn't I just not go? Is that fair to me?
    "Well, I'll let you go," Gen says, noticeably more irritated. "I'll text you."
    I should give her some more reassurance or something but I don't want to push the subject. "Ok, I love you."
    "I love you," she says, and I hear the sincerity in it.
    I hang up and flop down on my bed. I've never had to deal with situations like this. None of these things have ever been factors in my life; relationships, parties, girls. I don't know what the right thing to do is.
    Becca comes back, wrapped in a towel, her brown hair still wet. "How'd she take it?"
    "I don't know," I say. "She told me to have a good time but the whole thing felt condescending."
    "Well she can't be mad at you for going to a party," Becca says, unabashedly dropping her towel. She's been doing this since day one. "I mean, this is college, partying is half the point."
    She's right, of course. I was never a party person before but Becca eased me in and now it's just another weekend. Before Gen, I'd just gotten dressed and gone without thinking about it. Now, I'm feeling like it's a terrible idea, not counting everything with Kyann that Gen doesn't even know about.
    I force myself to get up, walk to my dresser, pull out clothes and walk down to the bathrooms. I shower, pushing all thoughts of anyone away, focusing only on singing the first two songs from Hamilton.
    I get out, dry off as much as possible before stepping into the jeans and T-shirt I picked out. I shake my hair in the towel then let it hang, stopping just below my shoulders. If I let it dry like this, it'll be frizzy and poofy by the time we get to the party. Usually I don't care but for some reason I refuse to address, I decide to braid it. This will help give it some more structured waves.
    I get back to my room and sit down to do my makeup. I usually put some on, just some concealer and fill in my eyebrows but tonight I do more; bronzer, blush, eyeshadow and lip gloss. Becca looks at me approvingly but doesn't say anything else.
    On the train, I do my best to pretend like it's any other party. I refuse to think of Gen being upset, Kyann being here or all of the possible outcomes of this night.