Chapter Twenty-one

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Sangs P.O.V.

I've been lost and lonely in the dark. Stuck in my mind with thoughts of self hate.

What had I ever truly done to deserve this? Is it because I truly do deserve it? Am I really this worthless?

Am I unlovable?

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As a girl, I use to watch family's together. I would see everything I was missing. Everything I wanted. I wanted my hand to be held. I wanted to picked up when I scraped an elbow. Or hugged when I was upset.

Instead I was hit when I didn't clean fast enough. I was whipped when I didn't have dinner ready at an exact time. Forced to drink lemon juice and vinegar when I cried. I was forced to kneel on glass and rice when someone outside of the house spoke to me.

Like now, all I done was come back and I get tied naked to a wooden pole. What am I even doing here? Why naked?

I'm not confident with my body. I know I'm severely under weight. Although I've gained a bit of muscle mass due to my excerise and training. You could see my bones easily.

I wish I had the body of one of those models.  Perfect skin and flawless bodies. But unfortunately I'll have scars forever. I'll never be pretty.

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Its like I'm losing my mind. I don't know how much longer I can handle the dark. Seconds feel like minutes as minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days and days like weeks. Weeks feel like year and years as decades. Its all slurring together and my mind can't take it anymore, as tear begin pouring down my face.

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Worthless. Useless. Stupid. Whore. Slut.

These words twist inside my mind and sink into my very essence.  I begin believing them more and more.

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I can't take it anymore.

I rub my sore and tied wrist against the pole and feel the sting to my skin. It comes as a relief.  I know I'm still real. That I'm more than this dark and cold void. So I begin to press into the wood harder rubbing my arms back and forth. Pain is so much better than feeling nothing.

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I hear the basement door creak open letting a crack of light through the darkened basement. The sudden onslaught of light had me squeezing my eyes shut tight.

I hear heavy thuds as the person walked down the steps. Fear shoots through my body and I begin to shake. Tears fill my eyes as I think of the worse.

The steps were distinctly male. Footsteps that were heading in my direction. . . I only squeeze my eyes together harder. I didn't want to see what happened.

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