Chasing In The Dark

23

"Kung hindi kita na salo nang sakto noon, sasaluhin kita ngayon, nang sakto h'wag kalang masaktan. If loving you is a suicide, then why would you save me, baby?"

I wouldn't never forget what he said on me nung gabing iyon bago pa ako makatakas sa pagsigaw ko sakanya nang totoo. How could i confess like that? After all, wala akong kaalam alam sa sistema niya. Wala na akong alam sakanya, at wala pa akong planong alamin ang buhay niya.

Many years already had passed, many things already change. His love, his soul, his self, his wholesome. Kaya bakit ako maniniwala sakanya? Why would i let him enter my life again? Why would i let him break the wall i built between us, simula nang magkita ulit kami.
Why would i let him catch me, if i can catch myself.

I can prevent myself from falling, so i wouldn't be needing his help in this situation of mine. Kung nahulog ulit ako dahil sa katangahan ko, then let the bruises heal as time passed by. It will heal.

"You know that your hard to read, right?"

"Were still not peace so back off."

"Tsk. It's not my fault anyway. You sang, im out of it."

"Iniwan mo ako nang gabi non, tapos hindi mo kasalanan?"

I rolled my eyes on him as i saw him raised his two hands on his head. We were fighting and ranting about this for one and a half weeks already. Hindi din ako pumapasok sa opisina, he doesn't need me anyway. He prefer to work alone then to have me who can make him feel distracted.

"Kung alam mo lang."

Huling saad niya bago lumabas sa silid ko. Pumasok naman ang anak kong si Sameir na palaging tinitignan kami ni Jeorge kapag nagpapalitan nang samang tingin sa isa't isa. I know his clueless about the things but i know his building some puzzles to solve inside his head.

"Your awake. Good morning."

I greeted him full of smile written on my face, but his is still poker. Then the face of his father flashed on my mind. Umiling ako para mawala iyon. I need some distraction to forget the things i did. Mali iyon. Maling sabihin ko iyon para lang mapatunayan na hindi ko type ang mga bata. I hate people accusing someone without hearing their point of views.

"Mommy, you okay?"

He kissed my cheeks.

I smiled.

His sweet.

"May kailangan ka?"

I asked straigthly.

"Tsk, nothing."

"Really? Minsan kanalang ngayon maging lambingin."

"Your low, so i guess that being sweet towards you can make you high. And i think my guess was right, huh."

I chuckled as what he said.

I still remember nung mga araw na nasa Seattle parin kami. He always asked me about his Dad, pero nang dumating kami sa Pinas he never mentioned it again. Maybe, his waiting for me to give him some infos. Maybe he give me some time to find his father, and i thinks he thinks that this is not the right time to asked me.

Nakokonsensya ako. All this time, palagi kong nakikita ang ama niya but then i never let him know about that. How selfish i am? Very selfish to not tell him about his Dad. Maybe, the fear i have is still here. Ayaw mawala hanggat hindi ko pa napapag alaman kung walang pamilyang pinanghahawakan si Mone. And that question can be answered by the documents Jeorge gave me.