Chasing In The Dark

2

"Kain kana hija."

Yun agad ang bumungad sa akin nang makalabas nang banyo. Nginitian ko naman si Nanay Celia na nilalapag ang pagkain ko sa lamesa kung saan ako kumakain, palagi. Kinalakihan ko na ang kumain dito sa lamesa nang mag isa, minsan kasabay si Nanay Celia o si Maria.

"Salamat po Nanay Celia."

She nodded at me.

Then i eat like i didn't eat yesterday, but literally i didn't really eat yesterday at night.

"What is his feedback Nanay Celia?"

I asked her still eating the foods she gave me. Nagpanggap ako na hindi ko alam ang nangyari, nagpanggap ako na hindi ko alam na pinatapon iyon ni Dad sa basura na parang wala lang sakanya ang ginawa ko na parang hindi ko iyon binigyan nang atensyon at oras. Masakit man sa dibdib ay pinilit ko paring ngumiti nang natural kahit masakit.

"Good. He loves it. He wanted more of your works."

I nodded hearing the lies coming out from her mouth.

Hinarap ko siya nang nakangiti.

"I love too made some more for him."

My voice was full of jolly.

Yeah. I love making more for him, and in the end all of my works will be thrown in the garbage then i get hurt. Cycle huh? Maybe.

"May kailangan kapa?"

Nanay Celia asked.

Inilingan ko siya. Maybe she's busy kaya siya nagmamadali. Or busy with her family.

"Wala napo Nanay Celia. Salamat."

When she's already out, i already bursted all my tears. All my hurt that i keept when she's still around. I don't want someone will see me like this. A wasted young woman who cried alone, without someone to talk to about her problems. And that's me.

As i promised i paint and paints some of my imaginations some of the things that in my mind, at sinasabihan ko si Nanay Celia na ibigay iyon kay Daddy. And i was right. Lahat nang obra na ipinapabigay ko kay Nanay Celia kay Dad lahat nauuwi sa basura nang sira at basag ang frame minsan punit at minsan sinusunog. Nasanay narin ako sa sakit na nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nakikita iyon kaya naging cycle na siya.

"Woah."

Manghang usal ko nang makita ang pagkain na binigay ni Nanay Celia sa akin.

Tinusok ko ito gamit ang tinidor habang mangha paring nakatingin duon, habang si Nanay Celia ay nakatingin lang sa akin.

"What food is this Nanay Celia?"

I asked like im from the cave. Na kakalabas lang.

"It's a stake."

I nodded.

"Stake?"

I questioned using my low voice.

"Pwede ba kitang makausap hija?"

Nanay Celia questioned as she sat infront of me. I nodded as a response. Kinain ko na rin ang pagkain na binigay ni Nanay Celia sa akin.

Magsasalita na sana si Nanay Celia nang may kumatok. Agad namang tumayo si Nanay Celia upang buksan iyon, keysa unahin ang gusto niyang sabihin at tanungin sa akin. Laking bigla ko nang makita ko si Daddy na nakatayo sa labas nang nakapamulsa.

He cleared his throat.

"Can i talk to her, alone?"

Daddy asked Nanay Celia still locking his eyes on mine. His eyes are full of cold like an ice that cannot be easily melt.