Overdose (BXB) Completed/Editing

Chapter 2 - Loneliness

Overdose - Chapter 2

-Alex-

"Morning bud, " My dad walks into the kitchen dressed in light blue scrubs and black Crocs. For as long as I can remember, my dad always made it his top priority to have breakfast with his family before leaving for work. He says that it brings him comfort for the day. I'm almost tempted to ask him if he still feels the same. When my mom was still here, they'd alternate on who cooked breakfast. Now, he does it because the only thing I know how to cook is noodles...in the microwave. Pizza rolls too.

He's a NICU nurse at the only hospital in this town. He gets to work with sick babies and help them get better, at least that was the way he described his job to me when I was ten. He doesn't talk about it but some days when he comes home, he carries a defeated look and I know that it must mean that he lost one of his patients. Despite him looking drained sometimes, he says that he wouldn't trade his job for anything in the world. I wish I was that passionate about something. Maybe I was passionate about art when I was still in school, but I've since lost that.

"Hey," I nod to him then take a sip of my drink. He looks over at the coffee maker and then at my mug. Please don't say anything. "What are you drinking?" He asks but I'm pretty sure he already knows the answer. "Coffee, Dad." He stares at me in silence for a moment. I watch him watching me. Then he gets up, walks over to the coffee maker, and holds up the plug. Great. "Alex, the coffee maker is not even on. It's not even warm..." He runs his hand through his hair and leans over the sink. "Vodka and Red bull," I admit in a whispered tone as I place the mug down. I couldn't sleep last night, and this is the only way I'm going to stay up today.

"It's seven in the morning. Alex-"

"I know, Dad. I'm going job hunting, so I need this to stay awake...coffee doesn't work for me," I explain as I walk towards him. He shakes his head disapprovingly, "I don't know what kind of job you're looking for, but I guarantee you, the good ones aren't going to hire an eighteen-year-old drunk," He turns to me before bumping into my shoulder and storming out.

Every day I watch him lose faith in me and I don't know how to reverse it. I want to make him proud, but I can't do that without losing myself. Or what's left.

"Dad!" I call out, running after him. He stops at the door and turns to face me. "I'm sorry. Look, I'll go to one of those meetings like you wanted...please don't give up on me, okay?" I plead. This is my fifth time asking him not to give up on me this week. Fifth time's the charm.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, his face brightens, and he pulls me into a hug. "You're my son, I could never give up on you." This is his fifth time reassuring me of this. I don't believe him.

I hug him back and rest my head on his shoulder. "I'll be back home around five and I'll take you. Do you need money for the bus to go job hunting?" He asks with care. I contemplate whether I should accept his money. If I do, I won't use it for the bus. I know myself.

"No, I'm good. I'll see you later, Dad." I offer him a slight smile. He nods, "See you later, I love you." With that, he walks out, and the door closes behind him. If he only knew how much I dread going to those kinds of meetings. Last year he forced me to see a therapist and that didn't end well. After my session, I shot up in the bathroom and passed out until the janitor found me. I'm not cut out for therapy or meetings. Mostly because I know that I'll be the youngest person there and all the ones older than me will be a reminder of what the future has in store for me.

Sometimes I wish he'd accept me for who I am. This isn't an "episode", it's me. This is who I am now. The 'Alex' he made himself familiar with is trapped somewhere in Delmont City.