I'm Giving Up On You | republished

Chapter 19

'Uh... I don't know, what?' I mumbled, I knew my face was going bright red, but what could I say.

'You didn't have that when you got in?' She looked confused. Would she realise Dam gave it me. I glanced at him, and he had gone from white to red. If his mum looked at him now she's know.

Her face suddenly changed, to something I couldn't read. I glanced to Dan who had pure fear in his eyes.

'D-Dan.' She mumbled. 'Do did- did you give him, that- did you give him the hickey?'

The room fell to silent. I was starring at Dan refusing to look back to his mum. I knew she'd kick me out now, I was done for. Screwed. She'll understand why my dad wanted to get rid of me.

'Mum- I'm gay.' Dan announced. He had tears forming in his eyes. 'And- and I'm dating Phil. I have been for a while...'

'Phil.' She turned to me, I looked up. She had no emotion, which scared me a lot more. 'Do you mind going up to YOUR room for a while. I'll come up in about an hour.'

I nodded and raced out the door, I looked back, mouthing an I love you to Dan, which made him smile.

I raced up to my room, and stared to pack. I chucked all I could into plastic bags and anything I had lying around which I could use as luggage. I was going to end up in a care home or something. Which means the nightmares will be worse and the tablets won't work.

Once I finished packing I plugged in my headphones and listened to some music. I shut my eyes, singing along to the beats. Waiting to be told I needed to get out.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
She will kick me out.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
I'd be left on the streets.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
I guess that's where I belong.
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I hope Dan is ok.

I'm not okay
I have nowhere to go.
I'm not okay
Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back to my dads. He is in prison. I had nothing left.
I'm not okay
His mum will be so mad.
You wear me out
What if she hurts me like my dad hurt me, what if she tried to kill me.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
What if I get chucked on the streets and lift the rest of my days alone
(I'm not okay)
Would Dan visit me. Probably not, he'd forget about me.
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
I'm an easy person to forget.
(I'm not okay)
I guess I could see my sister. I needed to after all.
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I was meant to see her this weekend. Before all the nightmare drama.
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!
I should call her.

I'm not okay
I'm not okay

I dialled her number and prayed she would answer.

'Hello?' She sang through the phone. 'Who is this?' I forgot she got a knew phone after dad smashed her last.

''Your brother, Phil.' I mumbled.

'Oh god, Phil. Are you ok?' She screamed. 'I woke up in the hospital and had no idea what happened, they explained you where there and Dan shot you but not on purpose and obviously I had no way of contacting you and i wanted to get out of town as soon as possible. Are you ok?'

'I'm fine, I just might need a place to stay for a while...'

'Why? Not that it's an issue, I'll pick you up right now, where are you?' She asked so many questions.

'Dan's, but his mum caught us. Kinda, oh yeh I did what you said. He liked me also.' I smiled through the phone. I explained where Dan lived then told her we basically had sex and he left a hickey and she saw it.

'Look, I'm sure she will forgive you. And she will accept him being gay, but I'm about five minutes away, I will ring the doorbell, just bring down your stuff then whilst I explain to her I'm looking after you for a while till she can come to terms with it all.'

Five minutes later I heard the doorbell, then Dan's mum answer. I heard somebody running up the stairs and Dan charging into my room.

'Why is your sister here?' He asked, he had tears down his face.

'She- why are you crying?' I mumbled.

'My mum and I was-' he was interrupted by my sister running in.

'Come on, time for you to go.' She grabbed my things and I grabbed the rest.

I walked down the stairs with Dan silently walking behind me. He placed his arm on my shoulder as we walked down, making me stop.

'I'll text you everything later, love you.' He whispered.

We reached the bottom of the stairs and headed out the house. I thanked his mum who wouldn't look me in the eye. We chucked all the things in her car and headed to her flat.

My phone beeped. It was from Dan.