Brave [2]

Chapter 4

"Cassia, listen to me."

His words echo in my ears, and I'm thrown back into the memory. I'm staring at Sirius as his hands place on my cheeks, blood thumping in my ears. Now I can see every detail of his smile, of the glimmer in his eyes, but now I can hear the way his voice falters. He knew what was coming, but he didn't leave anyway.

"You're going to be fine, okay? You're not going to worry about me, you're not going to cry about me, you're going to suck it up and get on with your life. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you before, but I'm here for you now. I'm going to protect you."

"You said you wouldn't wear the shirt," I whisper, tears falling down my cheeks. "I knew this would happen. I warned you. And now it's so hard living without you. I can't lose you, not again." I don't know what seems to come over me but I wrench away, taking a stumbling step back. My legs fail me and I collapse, and it feels so simple but so painful. I suffered this so many times in my visions. How many times do I have to dream it again?

"Cass. Cass, kiddo," Sirius whispers, crouching down in front of me, wiping his thumbs under my eyes. "Listen to me. I know it's hard. So hard. And every passing day I wish you didn't have to suffer this. But I want you to know that I'm not scared of dying. I never was.

"Now, I know this is dangerous, and I'm so sorry I won't be there to guide you through it, but I have all my faith in you. You can probably imagine me and your mother betting on you in heaven, and I only say heaven because there's absolutely no way your mother would end up anywhere else."

"I never wanted you to protect me," I plead. "I never wanted you gone. I'd give this all up if I had you back, and sometimes... sometimes I still wake up hoping you're back. I need you and Mum and Ellis and Maribel and I can't do this..."

His eyes soften, and a knowing smile appears on his lips as he tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "I don't think you could do that, kiddo. Give everything else up. We both know you're not that selfish." My lips part, but no words come out. Why did he always think the best of me even when I couldn't see it in myself?

His fingers touch my cheek. Suddenly, I imagine it all. I imagine what might've happened if he was there all my life, if he helped me when I fell off my bike for the first time and gave up, if he was there on my first day of school to convince me to make friends, if he helped me pick my dress for the Yule Ball. And now I'll never see him again. "Listen to me, kiddo. I'm going to need you to be brave now. Okay?"

I can't say anything, my lips moving wordlessly as tears fill my eyes to the brim, and he gives a small laugh. I could describe it as full of relief, regret, anguish, hope, but there's only one word I could use to sum it up: finality. He presses a fleeting kiss to my forehead. "There you were," he whispers, and his eyes are shining with unshed tears. "You and Marlene. Two people who loved me."

"Dad," I sob. And a moment later his arms are gone from around me, and I look up to see him standing, like he knows what's coming. There's movement out of the corner of my eye, something red hitting him directly in the chest, and my throat goes hoarse. "DAD, NO!"

My fingers skim his as I reach out to grab his hand, and I can see the pain in his eyes before he falls in and disappears from sight.

"NO!" I scream, jolting up in bed so suddenly my vision goes black for a second. But then I feel hands on my own and my gaze snaps up, only for the stupid hope to fade when I see Fred there. He must've gotten through the Silencing Charm around the bed to hear me. I blink hard, shaking it off, then collapse back on the bed and pull the covers over my head, letting out an exaggerated groan.