Tainted Love | ✓

Chapter Nineteen

it's sad when someone you know,

becomes someone you knew

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

"OMI! OVER HERE!"

The corridors were dressed in black and white and the tiles were similar to that of a checker board. Laughter sounded and echoed along the halls, joined with excited conversations and shouts. Everyone rubbed shoulders - uncaring that their toes were often trodden on,or that some of the smaller students were pushed into the walls. A breath of air brushed my ear - I followed the breeze and saw a blue striped paper plane gracefully gliding through the air before sliding across the tiled hall to stop with its nose against the wall.

Coming out of the classroom, my head jerked to the side when Toby's voice sounded from my right. There, he stood, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. A gentle smile was splayed on his lips, and pushed himself off the wall to near me.

"Toby, what are you doing here?" I smiled - leaning over to give him a quick side hug. Just the slight of Toby's curly brown hair was enough to release the breath I didn't even know I was holding. Unconsciously, my entire face had brightened at his presence, something Toby had noted, however.

"Class was over early, so I thought I'd wait for you and we could head to English together," he explained with hopeful eyes.

"Of course," I replied, nudging his shoulder, "When have we ever not gone to class together?"

Red tinged his cheeks, and unusually, he lifted a hand to scratch the back of his neck. However, it was then, I noticed, how tired he looked. Dark purple bags were present under his eyes, in addition to his slightly wrinkled clothes and worn face.

"Have you slept at all?" I demanded, rising on my tip-toes to peer into his face. Eyes doubling, he staggered back a little, releasing a breathy laugh.

"Of course, I have," he reassured, but I knew he was lying to me.

"You look awful," I deadpanned, lips pursed, "And I mean that in the nicest way possible. What time have you been sleeping at?"

Shifting in discomfort, he averted his eyes away from mine - a telltale sign he was going to fabricate an answer. His shoulders were slumped forward at an awkward angle, rather than upright like they usually were.

"I'm fine," he murmured, but contradicted himself when he went to rub at his eyes. I watched in concern at the redness rimmed around his eyes - a clear sign he wasn't sleeping enough, or at all. Yet, accompanied with that thought was the guilt that I hadn't been paying enough attention to my best friend.

How had I been so blind to not see how much he was struggling as well?

"Don't lie to me, please?" I pleaded, and moved us to a quieter corner of the corridor.

But, Toby being Toby, tried his hardest to reassure with me a bright, but worn, looking grin. Usually, his smile was one of the features I loved the most about him - it always made me want to smile as well, and it had this magical affect on anyone who was around him. But now, there was nothing more I wanted from him, than to stop pretending and to let the fake smile drop.

"I'm okay, Naomi," he repeated with a melodic laugh, but this time, it sounded out of tune and not as cheery as it usually did, "Don't worry about me right now, okay? How have you been holding up, though? Have you talked with your parents yet?"

"I'm thinking I might tonight," I admitted with a nervous sigh, "I don't know - I'm just scared of how they're going to react, or if they'll even believe me. . . But, hey. Don't try and divert the topic away from you - I want to know how you're really doing."

And like he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders, he deflated - too tired to hold on anymore; the light in his shines dimming. The smile that had been illuminating his entire face was wiped in a second. Like glass cracking, my heart ached inside my chest, the pain spreading throughout my body.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to hold it together for you - It's just. . . sleeping hasn't been the easiest thing to do, okay?" he finally confessed when I shot him my sternest glare, which immediately softened at the agony evident in his voice, "Every time I close my eyes. . . I just. . . I keep thinking of how I could have done something to help. Maybe I could have even prevented all of this if I hadn't been selfish and canceled on you."

His usually bright eyes, glimmered and brimmed with fresh tears - ones that were begging to be released. When he bit down on his cracked, pale lips in an attempt to muffle any sound that threatened to escape - my heart sank to the bottom of my chest. The sadness seemed to drain through him, rather than skating over his skin.

When I went to speak, however, he held up his hand and shook his head - making me clamp my lips shut. Perhaps all he needed was silence - and I would give it to him. That was the very least I owed him. He didn't even realize how indebted I felt towards him. He acted as my rock all these years - never once moving from my side.

Now, it was my time to do the same.

His lower lip quivered as words slowly made their way out of his mouth once again, "Just give me a second. I'll be fine in a minute - I just need a minute. I'll be okay."

Freezing, I didn't move for a few moments - just letting him try and compose himself. His words sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, but I didn't dare say anything. He turned his back to me, presumably to not let me see the tears flowing down his cheeks. Toby was someone who grieved on the inside - but believed that he hid his sorrow well enough from everyone. However, anyone could see it in his eyes, his movements or his drooping posture.

Unable to hold myself back any longer, I closed the small distance between us, and wrapped my small arms around his neck. His entire body sagged forward; muscles loosening - like all he had wanted was a hug. Before he could even try and muffle it, a strangled sob bubbled past his lips, and he didn't hesitate to bury his face in the crook of my neck. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against mine - not in a sexual way, but in the way that we were just two people who needed each other in that moment. His chin rested on top of my head; arms clenched around me tight.

"You're alright," I murmured, "I've got you, Tobes."

I wasn't sure how long we stood there, in the middle of his hallway, while Toby's body wracked with the force of unvoiced cries and I holding him - my heart aching for my best friend.

****

hi guys! so - things are going to start picking up after here because we're also coming (pretty) close to the ending of the book and i want to get on with the more intense plot points. I did want to show this small, cute-ish interaction between them though. I feel like I've been neglecting Toby in describing how hard everything is on him, as well.

With how things are looking, I'm guessing another maaaybe, 7-10 ish chapters - depending on how I space them out. Once again, I'm getting second thoughts about this book but I'll probably see it through, just to hate on it🤡 Anyhoo, enjoy!