Redeeming the Darkness

Chapter Thirty-One - Ivy

AUGUST

"You lied to me," I said, staring directly into my mother's eyes.

She giggled. "How did I lie, sweetheart?"

"Oh, don't you sweetheart me, you deceiver." I was laying on the couch in the basement and my mom was perched on the edge near my head. "You told me it was beautiful and you loved every single minute of it, but pregnancy is kicking my butt."

I felt my eyes fill with tears that immediately made their way down my cheek and into my hair. "I feel like a failure as a mom already because this isn't fun. My back hurts so bad and I can't breathe when I lie down. I missed nausea the first trimester only to have it in the end. I'm thirty-seven weeks and I feel like I'm going to throw up every day. I feel like a crazy person for complaining about things when some people can't even get pregnant, but, Mom, it's not fun."

"Ivy, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to enjoy it. It doesn't make you a bad mom and it surely doesn't make you desensitized to other people's pregnancy journey. Pregnancy isn't always sunshine and rainbows for people and you just happen to be one of those people."

"I still feel guilty for complaining."

"Have you told anyone else how you felt?" she asked.

I sighed. "Just Zane."

"Well, see, there you go. You aren't really complaining to be complaining, you're just talking to two people that really care about how you're feeling."

"I still feel like a failure. I thought people told you that you glowed when you were pregnant, but all anyone keeps saying to me is that I look pale and Sandro said my feet look fat."

"Sandro told you that your feet were fat?" Her eyes widened.

"He did. He held up a football beside my foot and," I sniffled and fresh tears fell from my eyes. "There were actually similarities."

"Honey, I doubt there were many similarities between your foot and a football," she laughed.

"I'd pull off my sock to show you, but I can't reach it."

I heard someone coming downstairs and looked over to see Zane. "Hey babe," he said. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead before giving my mom a hug. "Sorry I missed you guys coming in. My dad had a family day at the halfway house today and asked me to be there."

"Don't worry about that." Mom patted him on the arm. "I'm glad your dad is doing well."

"Me, too. I was worried at first because he was in so much pain, but I think things are looking up now. He said he still gets headaches but I guess that's expected."

"Well, I'm going to go up and help everyone with decorations for the baby shower."

"I still can't believe you all drove here." I shook my head at my family. My dad had rented a bus and drove every single member of my family to Colorado. I think I would have hated being on that bus, but everyone showed up in good spirits. They were all upstairs at that very moment decorating my house in pink for the baby shower only a couple hours away.

"I can't believe you're shocked. You're our child, Ivy." She laughed, again, like I was the funniest person she knew. "I couldn't imagine us all not being together for something like this. Our first granddaughter!"

She kissed me on the forehead and headed upstairs, leaving Zane and I alone. "Have you figured out if you like the name or not?" I asked. I'd come up with the first name and asked Zane to choose the middle name, but he was having trouble finding something that felt right to him.