The Lies We Share ✔

Chapter 9

As dinner mulled on, Laura began to feel antsy, though she wasn't sure why. But as soon as most of the kids ran off back to the living room, and the adults got up to stretch, and chat a while longer, she went to the living room following the children. Ryan followed behind, she plopped down on the floor in the back, Ryan sat on the floor next to her. There is a little boy about nine in front of her.

"How's the movie going?" she asked, and she was rudely shushed by a little girl sitting on the couch, her eyes glued to the screen.

Laura smiled and watched the movie instead, letting the minutes pass. The house felt overcrowded to Laura, she felt the need to take a walk, get out the nerves she felt. The food she had eaten seemed to finally take shape in her stomach and a walk would be a good way to burn off the calories.

"I'm going for a walk," Laura whispered to Ryan when he registered her voice he got up with her.

"Okay, let's go then," he replied, to which Laura slumped, remembering that she had to be with him. Laura felt the need to be by herself. The party was a lot, and even though Ryan was good company, she wished he would—like her back. Oh, how a girl could wish, she thought.

She felt like she was asking for more than he would ever give her, she slipped on her jacket and boots, he put on his coat; a coal-black one like her own. They were like annoying matching couples.

She frowned as she saw his face, he was jarred by her sudden negativity, she didn't really mean to frown at him, but his inability to see her in the way she wanted to be seen was beginning to annoy her.

She opened the door to the cold, and they stepped out. The cold settled on them like an old friend. Ryan was her friend she had to remind herself, not her boyfriend. This would not be a romantic walk. Laura closed the door shielding them from the loudness inside.

The flurries of snow wove into her and Ryan's hair, the porch light made their faces light up, exposing their shadows on the ground before them. Under the horizon Laura saw the motion of the trees blowing in the distance, the wind chilled her, Ryan's body radiated heat. She had only known him for four months, and yet it felt like forever since the beginning of senior year.

The walked onward down the street, it wasn't late, but Laura felt her eyes grow heavier with sleep. A sudden emptiness sunk into her; the moment felt so sad, her walking with a boy, only her heart was in it. His heart was an impossible thing.

"You know Laura—," she looked up into his eyes, those dark brown eyes, so humane, cloaked in concern. Those eyes warmed her even in the bitter cold. She drew her eyes down to his neck, he was pale, his skin like the surface of glass. His skin was bright like the sun, which she missed so badly.

But though she tried, she couldn't look into his eyes, but then again, she couldn't look at him anywhere. She only felt the warmth of his company. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, she wanted to kiss him. She felt her cheeks heat from being so close to him. Her thoughts sent shivers up her body.

"You don't seem like yourself," he finished, she shook her head, while he just sighed. His hot breath caught in the cold air causing a smoky display, Laura felt a tear.

She noticed he wasn't even looking at her, but looking off in the distance, as they walked deeper into the neighborhood. Laura felt the cold wind whip through her hair, it was just beginning to tangle in matted red knots.

"I'm just tired," she gives him a half-smile. Her eyes downcast trying to avert herself from his view, to avoid him seeing the tears form.

He turned his gaze toward her, his eyes leaving the space in the distance, he noticed her tears even with her efforts and frowned. His hair hung into his eyes, the snow sticking to him, and wetting down his hair, but he looked the way he always did—his face was so deep like he knew the truth about her, he was curious about her, this was something most boys weren't curious about at all.

"You're crying?" he questioned, she just sniffled, laughed coldly, he couldn't read her thoughts, could he? She didn't mean to be so emotional it was just a walk, a walk alone with a boy who will never like you back, she thought.

"No worries, just the wind is getting in my eyes," she said.

No, she wasn't thinking about him, why would she? She stared off into the night peering over the snow bluffs in the distance, the quiet houses behind them. The woods in front, life felt so different when they were truly alone. She wanted him to love her, but he didn't say anything. Dreams aren't reality she told herself.

His jacket was so black, and maybe so was his heart, but Laura's was too. Maybe they were both heartless.

She felt him look over at her, she looked back and in a confused moment, she felt the itch to tell him that she loved him. It was impossible to shake, this perfect moment in the snow. It was a fool's wish regardless, he wasn't into her, she was just a girl with a lot of dreams.

She told him she loved him, even if it was only a thought, the words left her eyes, and wiped away the imaginary tears along with the real ones. She should've told him, but she didn't. Should have said "I love you" but she couldn't.

They walk for just a bit longer, with him trying to cheer her up, telling her what a great hostess she was. Laura, instead of just accepting the compliment, made excuses. He was unsure of what to do, he knew she was sad but didn't know how to fix it, and it wasn't his job to.

Perhaps something loomed in the back of his thoughts, something he was feeling that he wasn't telling her. She hoped it was what she felt, but then again, she was only kidding herself.

Soon they were back at her house. A frown was stamped onto her face like ink, as she watched Ryan get into his car. She turned away then, walking to her room. He was gone now, no need to put on a show. She a coward sitting alone in her room, faceless and nameless among the many others like her. She was the shadow of a "real" girl. Laura felt the tears come, and it felt like forever since they've last truly fallen.