Make Myself A Legacy (Another Stray Kids Member)

Hate

He wasn't sure if he loved himself as much as loved it the other day. He didn't understand hate comments until now. How come he did identify himself in these words now but never once yesterday? It made him change his perception of himself.

He did not know how many hours had passed. But he did not stop until his body decided. His knees gave out first before all his weight crumbled on the floor. His deep breaths were the only sign of life in the room. He tried to stand but his body could not. It was in pain and complete exhaustion. His mind still active yet what could it do but ask his eyes to close.

The good news, he did not "rest" for too long because when he woke up no one was knocking nor reprimanding him to open the door. Meaning that no one needs to use the room. With his knees gaining a bit of strength, he crawled to his bag and drank water. He chugged it and as he did his stomach was heaving in hunger. Wanting food not just water, but he decided to ignore it. It could be satisfied when he was.

One glance in the mirror was all it took before he danced once again. For hours and hours until it became night.

When he decided to take a break, it had been nearly two days since he had seen any of the boys. His phone had hundreds of notifications but he did not bother to read any of them for the thought that they all are of disappointment. He promised two last practices, and both to film before retreating to the dorm.

The boys let it pass when a day came by and no news from one of their members at all. But when it was nearing the second day, all had let panic seep into their hearts. The maknaes were in more obvious distress, voicing out their questions on where their hyung was. Hyunjin had cried earlier in his worry because Leon had not answered any of his fifteen calls. Jisung tried as much as he could to cheer the group. But he was really anxious as he had seen Leon last.

Meanwhile, the hyung line was in a more discrete kind of panic. But everyone knew they were worried too. Lee Know seemed the most chill, but it was seen otherwise in the way he always checked his messages to see if any of them were replied to. The leader was currently cooking and being productive, but his mind was not in the food. He was having thoughts of coming to JYP himself and heaving a search party. He was nearing that decision when the door to their dorm opened and came the missing person himself.

Leon had quickly taken a shower at the company. Not wanting his appearance to set the members off. Because that was the whole point, not letting them know about the real thoughts plaguing his mind. He prepared himself for a lecture and prepared all his excuses. So when he came home, he was greeted with a familiar but more distressed than usual sight. The first to wrap their arms around him was Hyunjin. The poor boy ran and nearly tripped as he was going to hug Leon. The tears that had come earlier came back and stained the older's shirt. But he did not complain and took the boy's embrace. The next to join in was Jisung who needed a hug from the man himself as anxiety was attacking him. Soon all the members were in the hug.

No one lectured Leon at first. They ate what Chan had cooked and had small conversations. Leon had apologized about his usual stunt and not informing them. Of course, they wanted to ask more questions but the maknae line decided that they should be satisfied with the excuse they were given. As long as Leon had promised to spend time with them, in which he replied in the next week. The hyung line was relieved at having everyone back home, and stayed quiet and engaged with the maknaes. Yet all decided to keep a close eye on the boy, especially Minho. He was suspicious of the baggy shirt Leon was wearing. The younger told him that he bought a size too big but Minho remembered that Leon wore that shirt nearly a month ago yet it fitted his frame fine.

Leon tucked in all the maknaes and waited for them all to fall asleep, before proceeding to his bed. His roommates were asleep, thankfully. He wanted to go out. But knew it would cause a bigger panic than earlier so he stayed. He stayed awake, scrolling through his phone. It seemed like one of the boys posted a photo of their last live performance. All were happy with big smiles as they had seen their fans. But the comment section took all his attention. Most were positive, of his members, the music, and the whole group. But when he started scrolling down, that was where it all sizzled again.