Family Ties (Rewritten)

Postpartum

Emily:

The hot water streamed down my body as I laid in the bathtub, curled in the fetal position while the cries of my baby echoed in the background. I had no idea how hard motherhood would be; the sleepless nights and the constant crying were enough to send me into an emotional frenzy.

Thankfully, my parents offered to take care of her while I took a much needed shower.  I felt selfish hiding myself away like this, but I needed to be able to let my tears fall down.  I spent so much time trying to repress the memories of how Cora was conceived that it was eating me alive.

No matter how hard I tried to forget, every time I looked into her eyes, I saw Vincent. His eyes as he pinned me down to the ground and...oh, God!

My sobs become much louder. I had to bite down on my finger to stifle them. I didn't want my family to hear me. They couldn't know how weak I was.

I wrapped a towel around me and stared into the mirror, shocked by the girl on the other side.  Her eyes were dark and void of joy.  "Jesus..." That's all I could say before leaving the bathroom.

My mother was in the nursery, which had been my father's den before he converted it.  She held Cora in her arms and hummed a tune.  I forced myself to smile, then sat next to them, caressing Cora's soft face.  She was such a beautiful baby.

After a few minutes, she fell asleep.

Mother placed her in her bed, then she wrapped her arm around my shoulders.  "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Your father heard you crying."

My heart sank.  They must have thought I was a pathetic excuse for a mother.  "I'm okay. It's just the lack of sleep.  I'll be fine once I get some rest."

"Do you want me to sleep with her tonight?"

"No," I hugged her tightly, "You've already done so much these last few nights. We'll be fine."

"I'll do whatever it takes to help, lady bug."  She kissed my cheek and headed towards the door.  "If you need me, you know where to find me."

"Thank you."

When she left the nursery, I stood over Cora's bed with a weak smile on my face.  Despite how she was conceived, I had to remind myself that she was a blessing to my life.  Something good came out of all the terror I endured while I was with Vincent.

"Goodnight, my sweet Cora." I whispered, kissing her lightly on the head. I laid down on the twin bed next to her and closed my eyes, trying in vain to sleep as soundly as she was. But my thoughts were still filled with the fear of seeing her father again.

I knew it was an irrational fear.

Vincent would be locked away in an asylum far from here for the next thirty years. The chances of him even surviving were minimal, since people often died in those places. Still, the fear was there.

After another night of tossing and turning, I fed Cora the next morning and went into the kitchen.  Robbie was eating a bowl of sugary cereal, while my father had his nose buried in the sports section.  He peered over his paper when he heard me come in.  "Good morning, Emily. Did you get any sleep?"

"How could I sleep with all of that snoring coming from your room last night?" I joked, winking.

Robbie laughed. "Yeah, it sounded like a grizzly bear was choking on a ham sandwich."

Dad joined in the laughter. "Give me a break, you guys.  I was sleeping hard."

He set his paper on the table and scooped Cora into his arms, gently bouncing her. "How's my little princess this morning?  Did you leave your Uncle Robbie a nice poopy diaper to change?"

"Dad!"  Robbie grimaced, "I wouldn't touch a poopy diaper with ten thousand pairs of gloves on!"

I ruffled his hair.  "Why not?  Mom used to make me change yours all the time.  The least you can do is pay back the favor."

He snapped his fingers.  "Girl, please."

We all laughed again, and I could feel the anxiety of another sleepless night leaving my body.

Everyone knew the struggle I was going through, and they did everything they could to try and help me forget about it. They were also coping with their own experiences with Vincent. The first few weeks after he was captured by the police were the most difficult. Robbie wasn't even able to sleep in his own bed because of the nightmares he had.

My mother was jumpy for a while, especially when someone touched her unexpectedly. She never admitted it, but I knew Vincent did something terrible to her while the two of them were alone.

And my father often woke up in the middle of the night to make sure our home was safe.  One night I saw him pacing back and forth in the living room with a pistol in his hand.  Everyone of us had been impacted by that psychotic son of a bitch, but none of us dared speak his name aloud in this house.

"Well, I'd better be heading to work."  Dad took one more sip of his coffee.  "Do you want me to drive you to school, Robbie?"

"Nah, I'll ride the bus.  I want to show Danny my new Pokémon cards."

"Alright," He gave Cora a kiss on the forehead, then handed her back to me.  "If you need anything at all, you know I'm just a phone call away."

"We'll be fine," I insisted, kissing his cheek.

When everyone was gone, I rocked Cora back to sleep and collapsed on the couch, hoping to finally get a little sleep myself. But the unexpected knock on the front door halted my plan. I repressed a loud groan before seeing who my visitor was.

"Hey, Em," James stood on the other side of the door with a box of donuts in his hands. "I hope I didn't wake you up. I really wanted to see you."

I could feel my eyes light up. This was the first time I had seen him in nearly five weeks. He was busy with school, and I was busy with Cora. "Come on in," I pushed the door open. "I've missed you."

We walked into the kitchen and started to devour the various donuts. "How's Hope doing?" I asked, my mouth full of chocolate.

"She's doing great. She came back to school last week, and she's already attracted the attention of several football players."

I couldn't help but smile. "Even after being shot, the girl has more swag than both of us combined."

"Yeah, but she's not really interested in dating right now....you know, after everything that happened."

"Oh, James..." I leaned my head into my sugar covered hands, "It's all my fault.  None of this would have happened if I hadn't-"

"Emily," He took my hands into his, "You need to stop blaming yourself.  It's not your fault."

"She tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen."

"You couldn't have known what he was capable of."

"I knew something was off about him, but I-"

"Shh, that's enough."

I gnawed on my bottom lip and put my head on his chest, allowing him to comfort me.  "I'm so glad you came by, James.  You're the one person I know who won't treat me like I'm a broken doll, and that's what I need more than anything right now."

"You'll never be broken, Em.  I promise."