Hello my fellow friends. Since this book has become some how my internet dairy I decided to... well use it. Anyway for the past few weeks I have been feeling angry, and not just any anger, the depressed kind of anger. After hitting the age of 15 a few months ago this feeling has been growing. It started changing who I am and made me what I thought I'd never be. Now let me explain as a Muslim and an arab I have a criteria to fit, and I feel suffocated because of it.
I love singing but I can't because its haram (not allowed).
I want to dye my hair pink and purple but that does not fit in with the arab girl criteria.
I want to sit on the swings and play but I can't because I am a 15 year old girl I have to be acting like I am 25..
I want to talk back to my father for acting rude and mean and just doing everything wrong but I can't because its disrespectful.
I want to curl up and cry because how empty I feel but I can't because that would be showing weakness and when you show weakness you are devoured by monsters.
I want to have a guy in my life so I can cuddle with him and fight and get my heart torn out if he leaves me, but I can't because getting boyfriends is haram.
I just feel like my life is perfect so I should be perfect. but I don't want to be I just want to break the rules and cuss out on people and sing out loud and just be free. I don't have a reason to be angry... it's just I want to be able to do what I want without being judged for every move. I guess this is a meaningless entry it's just I have you guys who are reading this story and I just wanted to share my feelings.. I know I am probebly being a big cry baby because I have everything that I need and all of these thing are thing I "want" and not need and that we all don't get what we want but it's just the way I am currently feeling. Anyway does anyone have some advice about what I should do ?
Thank you guys for reading my internet diary, I am sorry I have not been updating recently it's just that I feel like loser and well it's probably the weather.. I do get gloomy when its winter.. hopefully the feeling will pass. I love you all and I thank you very much <3
P.S I have noticed that my titles are more interesting then my entry xD
YOU ARE READING
Journey in My Mind
RandomI have a lot on my mind about diffrent topics. Read my rants about anything to everything, and take the chance to tavel in the large, creative and random mind of Taimaa Barakat.
