Journey in My Mind

The Doctor

It took me a long time to realize this lesson that life taught me, so I thought I would share it with you guys. In hopes that it might shed some light on your journey through life. I always was confused about who I was, at one point I had convinced myself thoroughly that all my life I was acting and that non of what I portrayed was real. I always was in search of who I was, because quiet honestly I was lost and didn't know what direction to pursue. Sometimes after I've taken something to be a part of me it just turns into ashes after a couple of weeks. My taste of music, which I thought portrayed who I am and where I am in life, changed so frequently that I just did not understand what was going on anymore. It was exhausting trying to figure out what to try next, especially after trying all of the ways I could find myself. Then amidst all the hurricanes that had hit my world this year I discovered the Doctor Who series. It wasn't until the eleventh regeneration into the twelve did it hit me. Although his speech was inspiring, I couldn't stop thinking "it's okay."  The doctor helped me realize two things. One, that every thing I tried to become was not just me acting trying to hide an identity crisis, but me. The people I became are part of me and each one of them is there own self but still me. I created this persona and it became a part of me, and became what I was for, per say, my regeneration. I was looking so hard into the eyes of the future that I became blind to what was staring me in the face all along. I was never lost, I was just confused at the world around me. The other thing that the doctor taught me is that I need to stop searching. The fact that I have used and abused all the common stages and characters made it hard to create a new persona, I was running out of ideas and I wasn't fitting into any category comfortably. The Doctor Who franchise helped me realize that in order to find myself I need to stop looking for a future person to become and focus on who I am right now, use what experiences and knowledge I have gathered from my past self and become what ever I see to be who I am right now. Many people who knew me a few years ago would tell you Im a whole different person, and at first that scared me but now I'm okay with that, because I'm growing up, maturing. People who knew me better then others would see I still have the same core traits, that I just changed in the way that makes me comfortable, that make me fit into this ever so changing world. If I have one thing I could advise people who are going through a rough patch similar to mine it's that sometimes it's okay to let go. It is okay to let go of something even if you have spent a life time with it, because sometimes the things we love most are the things that hurt us the most, so don't let yourself get hurt on the principle of time, and remember if you truly love something you can let go of it and if it loves you just enough it might find its way back to you.