The Love of My Life, The Monster

Chapter 51- July 4th

*Trigger warning: this chapter depicts harassment, a panic attack, a flashback about a sexual assault incident from Chapter 13.*

July 4th

An abrupt knock on my bedroom door startled me out of my sleep. I sat up quickly and rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the light that was pouring through my windows.

"Um, come in," I mumbled, hoping that whoever was on the other side of my door wouldn't hear me and would just leave.

My door swung open, and Jessica and Amanda walked into my room. Jessica wore a red sundress with white bikini straps peeking through on her shoulders. Amanda wore a blue crop-top and white shorts. Their hair and makeup were done to perfection, and I looked down sheepishly at my fuzzy pajama pants.

"Hey! Why aren't you dressed yet," Amanda asked.

"Dressed for what," I asked and checked the time on my phone.

It was 1:30 pm, which also meant I had missed about 50 texted from Miller. I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead; I was just perpetually exhausted.

"Mark's pool party, obviously! It's the fourth of July," Jessica chimed in with a smile.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot," I replied and laid back against the headboard of my bed.

"That's okay! Let's get you dressed, though!" Amanda tugged my arm.

"I don't want to go," I blurted out accidentally.

"Why not!?" They exclaimed in unison.

I sighed and massaged my temples. I didn't even remember that there was a party today. I barely even know what day of the month it was anymore.

"I'm just not up for it, okay? But you guys have fun," I said and forced a smile.

They looked at each other and then looked at me, with a disappointing look on their faces. I played with the ends of the hair, waiting for them to leave.

"Rachel," Jessica spoke as she sat down on my bed, "please come with us. We feel like we barely see you anymore. We're all going to college in September, so we want to enjoy our time together."

I scooted away from her slightly. I don't know why, but I just didn't like being physically close to people anymore.

"Yeah, it will be fun," Amanda chimed in, "and if it helps, I don't think Miller is going."

My stomach dropped at the sound of his name, and I stared at Amanda.

"Why would it matter if he was there? Also, how do you know he won't be there," I sputtered, sounding far more on-edge than I intended.

"I heard he got into some argument with Jase. Since Mark and Jase are best friends, I doubt Mark invited Miller," Amanda replied.

I nodded and chewed my lip. It didn't matter, either way. Honestly, I knew I wouldn't go regardless. I was unbearably exhausted and ached to sleep.

I sank and pulled my covers up to my chin and, still, waited for them to leave.

"Rachel?"

I heard my name but didn't who said it. I also didn't care; I just wanted to be alone.

"You can't just stay in bed forever," Amanda remarked.

"Oh my god," I whined and sat up, "why do you care?! Just go to the party without me!"

"Why don't you want to hang out with us anymore," Jessica shouted and stood up, "you are constantly blowing off your friends when we have done nothing but be there for you! Even when Miller was..."