The Love of My Life, The Monster

Chapter 48- June 28th

This will be common going forward– many of the conversations in this chapter are taken verbatim from text messages. Screenshots will be at the end of the chapter.

I will be going on Instagram Live Wednesday at 11:30 AM Eastern Time to talk about Love-Bombing, which is what happens in this chapter. Instagram is: e_writer996.

June 28th

I wrapped my white towel around my body as I stepped out of the shower. This was my third shower today, and it still didn't feel like enough; all the showers in the world couldn't scrub the shame and disgust I felt from yesterday.

I stood in front of the sink, with the warm steam clouding the mirror that hung above the faucet. I raised my hand to wipe off the steam, but I paused. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see my reflection.

I closed the toilet seat and sat down. The warm steam was actually quite relaxing. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breathes, processing the last 24 hours of my life.

I knew I was miserable, even though I loved him; I knew I should move on.

I cracked open the bathroom door to make sure no one was in the hallway, and quickly shuffled to my bedroom and closed the door.

I opened my laptop and plopped onto my bed.

After last night, I knew that the relationship was over. I hadn't heard from Miller all day, and he was interested in someone else; it seemed like a breakup to me.

I chewed my bottom lip and logged into my Facebook account. A sad feeling overwhelmed my body as I clicked on my profile and saw that I was still listed as 'in a relationship' with Miller.

I noticed that his profile picture was different and clicked on his account to zoom in. It was a picture of just him, and it was updated a few days ago. I did the math in my head and felt my heart sink when I realized it was taken and posted the day of his date with Briella.

I felt sick, and my mind raced; did she take the picture? Were they having a good time together that day? Did he ask her to take the picture so he could remember that day?

It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

I felt a few tears form in my eyes, but I exhaled deeply and calmed myself down. This was over; it was clear.

I clicked on the relationship status and changed it to 'single,' trembling as I pressed the keys.

I saved my updated relationship status and closed my laptop. I felt heartbroken because I knew this was inevitable. I guess Miller always was out of my league, just like I thought from the start. I wanted to be good enough for him, and I tried so hard.

Maybe he would change his mind. Perhaps he would miss me just as much as I miss him...I doubt it.

My phone rang, and I felt my chest instantly get tight. My whole body shook as I glanced at the screen, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Amanda's name.

"Hey," I spoke into the phone.

"Hey, girl! I haven't heard from you in forever!" Her perky tone was off-putting, considering it was 9:00 am.

"Yeah, I know I'm sorry. I've ...um, just been kinda caught up..." I stopped talking. I didn't want to use Miller as an excuse for the thousandth time with Amanda.

"Oh, is everything okay?"

"Well..."

"Can I come over?"

I rubbed my forehead. I didn't know what I should do; I never told anyone what was going on, but Miller and I were broken up, so maybe it would be different. Maybe I should tell someone. Plus, I haven't been social for so long; it was overdue regardless.