Deja Vu [Escaping Hara]

Chapter 13: SHARE?

CHAPTER 13: SHARE?

***

YOSHI

It was definitely the first time I saw her, but I swear it felt like I’ve seen her for about a hundred times already. The detailed features of her face were familiar, like it was painted inside my head.

Aivan…

Posible bang nagkita na kami pero di ko lang maalala? Kung oo, bakit ko siya nakalimutan? At bakit kami nagtagpo ulit ngayon? Para ba maulit kung anong nangyari dati? Haha. Nasisiraan na yata ako ng bait.

Di ko na alam. Pakiramdam ko parang may kasalanan ako. Pano kung mali yung nagawa ko noon? At pano kung ulitin ko din yung pagkakamaling yun ngayon? Sinusunod ko lang naman kung anong nararamdaman ko.

This is a strange feeling, yet I am thrilled. Damn it. This place, Hara, and the people in it, they all drive me crazy.

***

THIRD PERSON

“Don’t go…”

Napako si Aivan sa kinatatayuan niya. Nakakapit si Yoshi sa braso niya at pinipigilan siyang umalis.

“Please.” His voice was hoarse and desperate. He slipped his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers.

“P-pero si Haruto naiwan ko pa du—” Naputol ang pagrarason ni Aivan nang bigla siyang hilain ng binata palapit at sinalubong ito ng yakap.

“Y-Yoshi…” nauutal na banggit ng dalaga. Kinakabahan siya. Syet. Ano na?!

“Let’s stay like this for a while.” Yoshi whispered burying his face on her shoulder.

He never knew it was this warm. He should have done this a bit sooner. In that way, he wouldn’t have to feel selfish and guilty like how he’s feeling right now.

“Don’t think of anyone but me. Aivan let me be selfish for once.” It took him his greatest courage to say those words.

Parang pinipiga ang puso niya habang sinasabi niya ang mga katagang yon. Antagal niya nang gustong sabihing gusto niya si Aivan. Pero parang laging may pumipigil. Yung panahon, yung atensyon, lahat. He always misses the chance.

Bakit ba kasi ang hirap para sa kaniya na sabihin kung ano talaga ang nasa loob niya? Like, handa naman siyang tumulong sa iba, halos lahat ng kakilala niya parang gusto niya nang protektahan. He spent so much time caring for others but he can’t even give himself the things that he really wanted. Why should he had to feel that way?

As if namang may pake yung iba.

It’s just unfair how others matter for you so much but you don’t even cross their minds even in their most peaceful moments.

Aivan’s heart was beating like a drum. Can Yoshi hear it between the hug? She wonders.

She pulled him closer as her arms wrap around him, making him feel it’s okay for them to be like that.

That it’s okay to feel comfortable with each other’s warmth. That it’s okay to think of themselves even just for a while.

“Sana akin ka na lang.” Yoshi mumbled before breaking out from the hug. Yumuko siya para itali ang sintas ng sapatos niya. Pero ginawa niya lang yun para iwasan ang mga titig ni Aivan. He’s not really good at this stuff. He can’t help but feel nervous.

Aivan’s still bewildered. Sobrang lakas parin ng tibok ng puso nyang kanina pa nagwawala.

Siya lang ba talaga marupok dito?

She shook her thoughts off trying to compose herself.

“Bakit? Sino ba nagmamay-ari sakin?” taas-kilay niyang tanong habang pinapagpagan ang damit niya.

“Ikaw.” Yoshi replied looking up to meet her gaze. “Ikaw may-ari sa sarili mo. Depende sayo kung ibibigay mo sa iba.” Hindi niya matago ang namumula niyang mukha kaya ngumiti nalang siya sa dalaga.

“Sakin…”

“So kala mo nakakakilig kana ganon?” natatawang sabi ni Aivan. Tinulak niya nang bahagya ang noo ni Yoshi gamit ang hintuturo niya kaya bumagsak pa-upo ang binata sa damuhan.

“Di naman kase dapat binibigay ang sarili.” Aivan said wiping her tears after laughing. She squatted on the ground to face Yoshi. “Dapat shini-share lang.”

“Pag sinabi mong, I’ll give you myself, ibig sabihin non binigay mo na lahat ng right and responsibility sa isang tao, your happiness and pain will all be his burden, you’ll trust that person fully without knowing what’s gonna happen next. Pero pag-share lang, you’re giving that person a chance to experience what a great person you are. But in the end, ikaw parin ang nakakaalam kung anong magpapasaya sayo. Ikaw parin magdedesisyon para sa sarili mo.” She explained before offering her hand to help Yoshi stand up.

Napa-isip si Yoshi sa sinabi ni Aivan.

Don’t we trust someone fully if we love them? Or was it just a foolish act we always do?

But if we don’t trust anyone, would we still be happy? When we don’t love someone, would we still be fine?

“Should I share myself then?” parang di siguradong tanong ni Yoshi. He can’t think of anything. He just wanted to have her.

“Ba’t ganyan pinag-uusapan niyo? Nagki-cringe ako.”

Parehong napalingon ang dalaga at binata sa bandang likuran nila nang makarinig sila ng isang pamilyar na boses.

“Jihoon!” gulat na tawag ni Yoshi sabay ayos ng buhok niya. “Kanina ka pa nandyan?”

Nagkibit-balikat lang ang binata. Medyo di maganda ang ekspresyon niya at padabog siyang tumalikod bago lumakad palayo.

“Ji!” sigaw ni Aivan at agad na hinabol ang kaibigan. “WOOY!”

Nahablot ng dalaga ang braso ng binata kaya napatigil sila sa gitna ng daan. Si Yoshi naman hinihingal na naka-buntot sa likuran nila.

“Bitawan mo ko, magsama kayo ng Yoshi mo.” Naiiritang sabi ni Jihoon bago kumawala sa kapit ng dalaga.

“Luh?? HOY!!” Aivan shrieked obviously confused.

***

-Mr. SlyFox