Lover of mine ~ 5sos

Chapter 34

Recording was good, not really how I expected it to be though.
We all worked individually, focusing on different things.
I didn't really get to see any of the guys, but when I did, they were very serious- a side of them I don't usually see.

On the car ride back to the hotel, all I could think about was Ashton.
I felt so terrible about how things were left this morning.

When I get back to the room, Ashtons not around- but there's a note on the bench,

"Went out for dinner with the boys, be back later, don't wait up".

My heart drops; I really have ruined this.
Don't wait up.. what's that supposed to mean?
Is he mad? Does he not want to see me? Or is he just planning on being out late and doesn't want me to worry? I don't know what to think.

Growing up with anxiety and depression, it's hard to know if anything is innocent. Every word and thought feels like an attack, like everything is against me and I constantly overthink every situation.

I lay down on the couch, chucking on the first Netflix series I can find, trying to distract every thought going through my mind.

*A few hours later*

I must of fallen asleep, the 'do you wish to continue' sign has popped up on the TV and the only source of light, it's dark.
I check my phone, it's 11.03pm, I must of slept for awhile, it's been a big day and I was tired.

I get up off the couch, turning on the nearest light.

I hear the door unlock, Ashton must be back.

As he enters, I freeze, all the thoughts I blocked out come flooding back- what if it did mean he didn't want to see me?

Ashton looks at me confused, "Oh, Y/N, I thought you'd be asleep by now".
I yawn, still waking up from my nap, "Yeah, I fell asleep on the couch when I got home, I just woke up".
He walks into the kitchen, grabbing himself some water, "Sleep sounds good, It's been a long day".
I wonder over to the kitchen, "Can we talk?".
Ashton shrugs, "I'm pretty tired, we can talk tomorrow?".
I look down at my hands nervously, "Please, just listen".
He nods, "Make it quick".
I stand silent for a minute, gathering my thoughts, I don't know what to say or how to say it. All I can feel is his gaze, burning a hole right through me, "..I ... I know what I want... I want you".
Ashton sighs, moving towards me and pulling me into a hug, "But you don't seem sure. Y/N, I don't want to be a part of yours and Calum's weird love triangle. I don't want to get hurt", he kisses my forehead, "I need sleep, goodnight", he walks off to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I hesitate at first, but follow. I'm not going through this again, I can't lose him.

I push his door open, "Ashton, I don't want to lose you". He goes to speak, but I cut him off.. "No, don't say anything, just listen. I've thought a lot about this and what I want. I want you, and I know I have feelings for Calum, but that part of me is stupid. I'm stupid, because I can't see the amazing thing that's been in front of me this whole time... I'm going to sign the contract".
Ashton smiles, gesturing that I sit beside him on the bed, "I know love is hard Y/N but you don't have to rush into this and you don't have to sign a contract to be with me".
I take a seat beside him, "I can't lose you Ashton".

He takes my hand, walking us out onto the balcony, looking out over the city, "Y/N you're not going to lose me, but I don't want to sign a contract. I want the real deal, not a controlled relationship", he pushes the hair behind my ear, lifting my chin up, "I wanted to do this properly, romantic date, somewhere nice but all I need is you. I've never felt this way about anyone before. The spark when we kiss, the chemistry we share, and bonus, you're gorgeous. Will you be mine?".
I nod, pulling him into a hug, "Yes, 100x yes".

As we part, the smile on his face won't budge, he's so happy.