GUILTY PLEASURES //BILLIE EILISH

Chapter 12

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Billie's pov
It's been three days since I kissed Veronica, I thought things where going to get awkward between us after that and communication will probably start getting weird and all but turns out she actually doesn't mind, turns out she likes me and it's very refreshing to hear her say that, we are not yet a thing apparently but she's coming over today so we could talk, and also our flight is in six days and I can't belive she will be on tour with me it's going to be the best tour experience ever, I'm so eager for it to start that its all I want to talk about everyday.

I hear her enter through the front door, she's talking to finneas as usual, Claudia stepped out just a few minutes ago to buy a few things and my parents obviously had work to do. We are still at my family's place till after tour because we won't be able to see them for a whole month and half, that's the way we always do things we spend the last week together. Finneas and Veronica are like best of friends, his even friends with karmil, they do alot of shits together, just yesterday he and Karmil spent the whole day out doing guys stuff. He and Veronica even do video calls sometimes, I like that they are close and understand each other, and it pleases me that she loves fineas as much as i do. I try to wait patiently for her to come upstairs but when she and finneas start talking they never end till I come out yelling at her to come up, but today I'm not going to yell for her to come up, instead I'm going to work on some lyrics that have been in my head all week.

I have no idea how long I've been writing into my book till I hear Ron's voice from the door "what's that" she asks, I sit up immediately and close the book, making her more suspicious than she should be "you covered it up, now I have to see, your always scribbling into it like it's a journal or something" she says walking towards the bed determined to get the book from me which will never be possible, she launches on the bed so fast it makes me squeal a little, I pick the book from the bed before she reaches it making her groan a little, she keeps trying to get the book moving inches closer to me till I drop the book behind me, with the book no longer in sight she's suddenly distracted by my lips and I can see her staring at them and I have no idea what she's thinking, she looks at me making me want to kiss her like always, I bring my lips to hers, our lips brushing a little before she backs away a little. ouch. "we need to know what's going on between us first, we can't just keep messing around like this" she says sitting on the bed, making me straighten myself and clear my throat "Yh, I guess" I say.

"do you want to go public, I'm cool with anything you decide" Ron says, I can tell she's a little nervous, I don't blame her apparently she's never been in a relationship with a girl, neither have I but she's looks like she has had it mind for a long while. The question she asked me, is the same fucking question I've been trying to answer myself for the last few days, I really like Veronica, I like her more then I've ever liked anyone in a long time, she's like even on a higher ranking than Jason right now in my head, but at the same time as I want to scream at the top of my voice in the most crowdest place in LA that I'm in love with her and I really want her to be mine, I still have insecurities, like being shaded by the press, and all that drama, I so need to have a label and find out what I really am because I've never been into girls not until I met Ron that is, it will not be a problem with my fans, the gay ones will be even more happy to hear the news but my biggest fear is my family, how will they take the news I know they will always be supportive of me in anything I do especially since I made it at such a young age but still at times like this is when I have no clue. "how about we just take things slow for now, yunno just casual friends for now, we could hang around together at home, but maybe different in public, just till I find out how I want to break the news to everyone" I say to Veronica, I watch as her shoulders slump a little, but she straightens them as soon as possible and tries to change the topic "Yh, that's okay, now tell me about Tour I've never been at a concert before" she shouts a little clapping her hands and folding her legs underneath it waiting for me while I look at her in amusement, hell she can be so fucking cute at times.

"Yh, I could use a Caravan if I wanted but it's better and more comfortable to use a plane when going on tour" I tell Veronica who has been asking countless questions for the past thirty minutes.. "woahh, that's so adventurous but why a whole month when it's just like six shows most times" she asks a little puzzled, after biting on her burrito we ordered twenty minutes ago. "well, it actually depends on my capacity and how long I want my shows to be, I could do ten shows if I want, but I do mostly six and seven, plus it's always a full month because the dates for each show are different, I need some me time in the middle of the shows so I don't faint" I say making her nod and laugh at the same time, she keeps asking questions about how do I feel on stage with thousands of people singing my lyrics, plus how we all (the crew) end up becoming a family at the end of most tours, all her questions are like so intelligent and I have no idea what I else I want to do today than spend time with her. Asif on cue my phone rings while Ron is in the middle of laughing her head out when I was telling her a funny story of how one of the crew members was drunk on a night off and peed from his room balcony on one of the reporters. "what the hell" she says still laughing almost crying, I laugh with her and try to shush her when I pick my phone not bothering to look at the name. "yo" I say laughing "hey puppy, you want to hang out today" I hear the person say and my laughter ceases when I know it's Jason "no I don't I have work to do" I say lying, "come on kid, you're going on tour in a few days let's atleast spend your last few days well, please puppy" he pleads, he's right about me leaving soon but still I'm in the middle of a nice time with Ron and I'm not eager for it to end, not yet "I will see you soon at THE SPOT in half an hour" he says hanging up not given me a choice anymore. "what's wrong" she asks when I drop my phone closing my eyes a little "it's nothing, um do you have anything to do today, because I'm heading out now, I've some thing to take care of" I say playing with one of my rings "not really, where are you going" she asks "no where, actually to meet a friend that's helping me out with something" I lie, I have no idea why I'm lying but that's all I can think of doing right now "um okay" she says eyeing me suspiciously, I get down from the bed and change into joggers and an oversized hoodie wearing a chain and letting my hair down not really caring how I look "you need a ride home" I ask Ron who looks a little sad "I guess" she says standing up, she leaves the room going downstairs to chat with finneas.

"face time tonight?" I ask Veronica hopefully when I drop her home with her directions "cool" she says coming down from the car, her mood has shifted a lot since I picked my phone, she waves at me and smiles a little before entering her house. I sigh a little before speeding off to meet the devil that made me leave my house and make Ron so grumpy.

"what took you so long you're the one who asked me to come out" I yell a little at Jason after he reaches THE SPOT thirty minutes behind time, I've been here getting angry with each passing minute I was about to leave when I saw his car pull up in the parking lot. "I'm sorry" he says, "well that's not good enough" I snort "why don't we just go in and have fun, how about that?" he says getting paranoid as usual. I really am begging to get disgusted with seeing him behave like this sometimes he's real sweet and wants to please me in every possible way but at the same time he's a complete control freak, always getting angry, loosing his shit in seconds and also an obsessed drinker.

"are you even listening puppy" Jason says waving his hands in front of my face to get my attention. To be honest I wasn't listening, I stopped listening when he started talking about how he will miss me when I go on tour, like it's my first time, he was much more fun to hang with last year, now I just can't help but compare him to Veronica, she just makes me feel important and loved, and I don't even need to pretend like I'm listening because I'm always listening, her voice is just so captivating and.. "is there anything you want to tell me like what's been on your mind all evening, you have not said anything since we got here, we where at the spot and you didn't interact with our friends I thought you where uncomfortable, we went to your favorite skating place and you started skating yourself only paying attention to me when I was close to falling and now we are having dinner I'm trying to talk to you and you're not even listening to me!" I can see he's trying to keep his voice down but to be honest he's not really doing a good job "so what do you want me to do, gawk at you all evening? When I did that before, it didn't really matter to you so why start caring now, why, all your chicks left you huh?" I ask my voice normal but at the same time filled with annoyance, he stops glaring at me and closes his eyes using his thumb and index finger to massage his eyes a gesture I know he does when he's trying to relax.

" I'm sorry If I ever made you feel like you don't mean anything to me, you do okay and you always will now please give me another chance" Jason says grabbing me a little after we finished dinner as I was about to enter the car. He looks like an injured dog right now so vulnerable and so cute, I guess I've been to harsh tonight and besides I and Ron aren't a thing yet, I could tell her about him and she would understand, for now let me just give him a chance between us, something good can come out of it for just six days right. "OK I guess" I say making him smile fully, he carries me in the air and turns in circles making me laugh he drops me and then he kisses me telling me he loves me. I know this sounds weird but I don't feel the same way I do when I kiss Ron.