Lovex2

His Past 3

Three days later, he got news from his dad that his mother had passed away on her hospital bed. He didn't even get to see her before she left the world. Hinata begged his father to let him go visit her before her cremation, but his father said the same thing he always said- that he was punished and it still stands no matter the situation. He sat in his room frustrated and crying, clawing at his head in anger but in the end, he was still helpless behind the wooden door. He started to feel regretful. It churned and cried in his body. His orange hair lapped over his forehead and stuck to him like glue. The shirt he wore was covered in snot and he couldn't get himself to stand up to change. Had he tried harder in order to see her, then it wouldn't have turned out like this. He wished he had rebel against his father and gone to see her, even if it's just once, but it was too late.

His father stood behind his door as Hinata cried. He wouldn't unlock it no matter how long Hinata pleaded.

"Shoyo, if you hadn't done what you did to deserve this punishment, then you could've gone and visited mom with me. Do you see how your inclination led you to your dismay? This is all your fault. You had the chance to see her, but you chose your crush over her. Your punishment was your redemption, yet your redemption was your regret and it was because you defied me. You lost your mother because you like someone you shouldn't have. Shameful." His father was drilling these thoughts into his head, but Hinata didn't try to stop it. He was at his last straw, standing but staggering, fully aware yet crazily impulsive. He tried to find his standing in all of this, but he was left confused and scared. He was scared since four, and he has lived in fear of who he was for the past nine years without end. Hinata just wanted to hide somewhere far- so far away that his father wouldn't be able to find him, but even the thin door wasn't enough for him. He's been scared of his father since he could remember, but now without his mother, he felt vulnerable. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be accepted. But who would accept someone like him?

"Nisan?" As if a savior had come to save him, Hinata realized that he wasn't alone. He still has someone to take care of. He still has Natsu.

In a heartbeat, Hinata desperately grabbed onto the doorknob, sweaty hands twisting and pulling, but the door won't open. His muscle grew tense as he recklessly yanked the small knob. He noticed several cracks emerging from the force of his tugging. Although his body was layered with fatigue due to not eating well in the past three days, Hinata, as if injected with some large amount of serotonin, insistently yanked the doorknob with his entire body.

A rough scratching sound emitted across the room. Hinata glanced shakily at his hand and found the entire handle hanging limply in his palm. He dropped it- intending to open the door only to find Natsu herself walking into his room. She stood there in her pajamas. Hinata hadn't realized that it was already dark out. The only light entering his room was the partial glint of the moon through his window. Even that was too weak to make out Hinata's messy silhouette.

He stared at his sister, unsure of what to do. He didn't want to scare her if he suddenly hugged her, but he wanted to be close to someone at the moment. Hinata wasn't afraid for Natsu. He knew his father loved Natsu, so she was safe. But in return, he feared that he might indirectly hurt her. If there was a chance that Hinata was sick, he was scared his way of thinking could influence Natsu. That's what his father had said as well. Izumi and Koji left him because his father told them they were misguiding him. Hinata, however, knew they didn't. It was just him, and because it was him alone that caused it, he was afraid he'll be the one changing others and causing them trouble. So Hinata stood there because he was afraid to reach out to Natsu. The heavy air mixed with his low breathing and sniffling must've made him look pathetic in Natsu's eyes.

He looked down ashamed, sweaty palms tucked behind his back. He realized he hasn't changed one bit. He was so angry at himself, filled to the brim with guilt and regret that he never once tried to reach out to others. All of these repressed feelings boiled over, leaving behind an empty shell filled with poison.

"Nisan, are you okay?" Natsu asked him quietly.

Hinata wiped his face and walked over to Natsu who stood stiller than a board. He pulled her into his arm, and her body melted into his. In the case that he was helpless, there were little to no choices he could make. A road that never spikes will only have one direction and as long as one follows it, it will only lead them to one destination. Hinata didn't try to avoid her. In the state that he was, he acknowledged that his only savior was Natsu. If she stands there, his only light amidst the darkness, Hinata couldn't get himself to run away. Like a moth drawn to the flame, he had dragged himself in front of Natsu. As they drift away into the silent night, Hinata tries to bathe in the warmth. Natsu didn't utter a word but let him calm down in her arms.

"I'm okay Natsu. You don't have to worry about me," he comforted her. He made a promise that he'll be there for Natsu, so he'll keep living for Natsu alone. He had no one else.

Note: Sorry for it being short. I also haven't edit this yet.