Rape - I'm not a victim I'm a SURVIVOR.

Mixed 3

Lawrence was calling my house everyday asking if we could settle outside of court for money, and asking if I would still help him out at the store. My mom worked there too, so he was asking if she would come back to work. We got so sick of it. Finally we called the police and told them, which turned this into a police report also. If Lawrence, his family, or his friends called my house again, they would be arrested. Then we started our civil case. We're currently in the process of that. We're suing the store and Ziyad. I had my deposition a couple of months ago, and since the defendant has the right to be in the room, Ziyad was there. As I had to describe in detail what was done to me, he sat there laughing. Since I'm a minor, my parents had to be in the room with me. Ziyad was staring at my dad, laughing, and the whole time we were in the room, Ziyad had a smile on his face. My dad couldn't take t any more. He had his fists ready when Ziyad's lawyer made us take a break. During the break, they realized that Ziyad wasn't making things any easier for me, and they made him leave. Our court date is September 21.

I'm currently in counseling 2 times a week, and I'm on pills for depression. I can't fall asleep at night without the TV on. And I've already given myself an ulcer from worrying so much. I know things will get better and eventually I will be able to live a normal life again, but right now it is hard. Very hard.

Lindsie

My story of rape is a long one--it started when I was 7 and continued until I was 31. First my father, then various boyfriends, and at last my husband of 8 years.

A little over a year and a half ago, my husband chose to molest my 6 year old daughter and threatened our lives if I didn't photograph it--mentally, emotionally I shut down and didn't know how to deal with it. I honestly couldn't cope with what was happening. I did what I could to stop him from touching her--everything from allowing him to hurt me sexually to accepting verbal abuse.

I finally gained the courage to leave in August of last year. In December I found the courage to go to the police with my story. Unfortunately, my life has turned into a nightmare since then.

My children were taken from me and are in the custody of Social Services and I'm being charged with a felony, despite the circumstances. Worse, the restraining order that was supposed to protect me, doesn't. My husband has violated it on numerous occasions, and the police keep telling me they won't do anything about it.

It hurts in ways I can't explain to most people--I've watched many turn away from me, because they really can't comprehend what it is like to be brutalized by someone who is supposed to love you. They don't understand the fear, the pain, or the hurt I feel when I see my children each week.

Happy ending pending....

Jenni

Hi. My name is Kristi and I'm nineteen. I've been through some therapy, and have done some great work through one particular organization, but I've never written my story. I guess it's about time. I'm really scared ...

The first instance of abuse in my life occurred when I was two. I remember being in the car, afraid to go to my relatives' house ... just dreading it ... and I remember walking down the stairs and going in the bathroom. It hurt so bad when I peed ... Teddy, my cousin, had told me not to tell, but the pain won out, and I called my mother into the bathroom. I'm not really sure what happened after that (my mom has a lot of interesting differing stories) ... all I know is that I never saw Teddy again except in my nightmares. I do remember being on his bed, but I've never talked about that and I don't think I'm ready.

Shortly after that, my brother Gary started abusing me. I was about two and a half when I told my mother. She tells me that she sent me to a child psychologist. He told her that incest wasn't important, I wouldn't remember and it definitely wouldn't affect me. We did play some sort of memory game, though ... so I would forget ... but I loved the memory game so much that it was the thing that triggered my memories to come years later.