Rape - I'm not a victim I'm a SURVIVOR.

Little One

Little One Survivor's Story: I met Him when I was 13. We were friends for almost 4 years before we decided to start dating. He was always nice, respectful, a good friend. the first few months of our relationship were great, what's better than being friends with your boyfriend? About six months into our relationship, I still refused to have sex with Him. He thought I was a virgin but I had slept with my best friend at the time just before we met. (I was 13, he was 17 and we were drunk, so stupid, but I have made my peace with my irresponsible childhood) He cheated on me with our friend's sister about 7 months into our relationship. I was angry and when I told him that I was done with Him and our relationship he slapped me. I ran home and he called me later to apologize. He sounded so sincere and sad. I forgave Him. After that incident he was much more careful, never hitting me or being outwardly abusive, but He was very good at subtly trashing my self-esteem. When He disagreed with me, He would cal l me stupid (always followed with "aww I'm just joking" when I got upset, when I didn't want to do something he did He bullied me into it, mocking me or laughing at me.

This continued for almost three years. During this time I met my best friend and high school sweetheart. He didn't know what was going on and I thought it would be easier to simply pretend that everything was ok. I was completely in love with my best friend, though I was terrified to tell him so, and it made me realize that I had never loved my boyfriend. I told Him that I was done, for good this time. I told him I never wanted to hear from Him again and I didn't for a couple months. Then one morning he called me to tell me that he had some of my things, things that he was sure I would want. When I got to His house, he acted like everything was fine and told me the box of my things was upstairs. when I got upstairs there was a box with one of my stuffed animals on the desk. I grabbed it and was turning to leave when he grabbed me and slapped the box out of my hands. He forced me face-down on the bed and raped me. I was so shocked I didn't even comprehend what was happening for a moment. When I realized what he was doing I fought and kicked and screamed but it did no good. He was so much bigger and stronger than me and all I could do was beg him to stop. when he finished he tossed me my clothes, put my things back in the box and left. I put my clothes back on and called my girlfriend who lived in the same neighborhood and asked her to come get me.

When she got there I asked her to take me to the county hospital where I received treatment and stitches under a fake name. I didn't tell anyone what had happened and I was too ashamed (and stupid feeling) to go to the police. I thought they wouldn't believe me anyway, we had dated and where I live its more of a good old boys club (they don't believe in rape my your sig. other or husband)I hid what had happened for years. about six months after He attacked me, a started d ating my best friend. He was the only male I could stand to have near me. I had alienated my father and brother because I couldn't stand for them even to hug me. My best friend is now my husband and we have a beautiful newborn baby girl. I wish that made everything ok, but for me it hasn't healed everything. my husband knows about the attack and he has always been supportive of me, but he doesn't understand me. he doesn't understand why the smell of incense can send me into a full blown panic attack or why I wake up in the middle of the night crying or screaming because something harmless that I encountered that day triggered nightmares. But no matter what he doesn't understand he still stands with me and supports me every single day. he holds me and comforts me when I have nightmares and distracts my family if I have a panic attack while we are with them. (they don't know)I have made it far from where I was a few years ago but I have a long way to go.