Rape - I'm not a victim I'm a SURVIVOR.

Abigail

Abigail Survivor's Story: This isn't the first time that I've admitted what happened to me was rape, but it's the first time that I've really described what happened. But, I believe that this can be a step into helping me get over Connor, and what he did to me.

When I was in just 7th grade, a mere 13 years old, I got an A- in school. That may seen good to some, but my mom wanted me to go to an Ivy League School. So, anything below perfection wasn't good enough. She put me into a study group at the local library that met every Tuesday. It was me, a kid names Josh who was closed to failing, and another named Connor. Connor didn't need to study group, but his mom made him also.

At first, Josh, Connor's best friend, would flirt with me (as much a 14 year old can). Connor was annoying, and I didn't like him at all. Eventually it turned out that Connor liked me. Being 13, and never having had anybody tell me that, I was infatuated. From then on, we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We would meet at the movies, meet at study groups, anything since we didn't go to the same school.

About a month after we started dating, Connor kissed me on the cheek good-bye. I liked him so much, but I never told my mom about him. I was afraid to. It was around then that Connor would start getting a little possessive. Calling me all the time, getting a little angry when I would cancel on him because of school work, and he would get mad if I ever hung out with any of my other friends instead of him.

But, that was nothing to me. After dating for four months, a lifetime for a middle schooler, when at a movie, Conmor leaned over and kissed me. With tongue and everything-my first kiss. After that, any doubt of him faded.

Now, being a Christian girl very involved in Church and bible studies, I was very sure that I would be married for my first time. It was the middle of my 8th grade year now, around November when I kissed him good bye right before my mom was picking me up from a restaurant at the mall. She still thought that I was hanging out with my friends. It was then that Connor whispered he wished we could keep going. He knew my thoughts on waiting, so I was sure that he meant just kissing, or nothing serious. I just smiled and started to leave. Connor tooky hand and led it down to the front of his pants, making mr touch an imminent bulge. I wa so pure and naive back then, it just surprised me so much. I remember telling him to stop because I was uncomfortable, and that was that.

The next time I saw him, we had been dating for almost 10 months, was at a tiny movie theater. The only one in my town. Another guy I knew fromy school walked in and I waves hello. I talked to the guy, let's call him Tony, for a few minutes. We had Math together and were sort of friends .Connor turned to me then, demanding to know how I knew him. Before I could answer, he slapped my face. He then immediately got guilty, apologizing over and over. I just told him to stop talking and I walke out ofthe theater and went into the lone girl's bathroom to wait until my rode was there. I was stunned.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and I heard Connor. I eventually let him in- biggest mistake of my life. He came in, fuming, and Locked the door behind him. He slapped me again and told me to never disrespect him lime that in front of other people. Shocked, I just nodded. Connor then kissed me, long and hard. I let him, albeit a little wary.

It was them that he started to lower me onto the filthy ground. He put my jacket on the ground and his. I tried to ask him what he was doing, but he held me down with one arm, telling me to shut up. You should know that I was barely 4'11" and 85 pounds. He was about 5'8" and strong from playing many sports. It wasn't hard for him. He started to take my shirt off as I told him not toand screamed. He then hit me in the face and put his had over my mouth to silence me. I eventually ran out of power and shut up, trying to go to a different place.

But, I still remember the tears streaming down my face as he told me that it'll be okay, and the feel of his hands under my panties. The pain was unbearable, and seemed to go on forever. At one point, I remember biting his hand to get it off my far, but he then punched me in the stomach and told me if I screamed he'd kill me.

After he was done, and I felt used, he hugged me and said he loved me. I just cried as I left, hiding the tears from my mom. There was blood on my jacket too. I couldn't bare the thought of telling my mom, who dint even know about the relationship. I eventually broke things off with him, about a week after the 'incident'. He didnt understands.

I didn't tell any of my friends about why we broke up, and their sympathy nearly killed me. A few months later I saw him again at the library with his arm around another girl. When I waited for my mom to pick me up after, he came out and sat on the bench with me. He said, and I remember perfectly, "It would be so easy for me to rape you right now."

That broke me. I immediately told one of my best friends, and then another who made me tell the school system anonymously. But, he moved after that to avoid legal troubles. I still haven't told my mom, as a Sophomore in high school. I've only been in one relationship after that, and it was brief. I will never be able to forget my stolen innocence, or the images of the one guy I thought I loved hurting me.