Poems collection -Self harm (trigger warning)

Door part 2

I'm given a roll of tape,

By Aidun who else?

"What's this for?"

I ask, but I know the answer.

-
"Tape the door"

He tells me,

Its like an order,

Even though I know the answer,

I ask him

"What door?"

-

Of course the reply comes to me

It says "The door of trust.
The holes are too big.
The draft is too cold.
You know what I mean
Just tape it."
-

"What if I refuse?"

I ask him,

Twriling the roll in my hand,

And he smiles and looks at me,

With a glint in his eyes,
"Then you'll die."
-

"You don't force me?" I ask,
"Of course I will. If you die,
So do I, remember?"

"Yes, I do."

He takes a step towards me.

-
"You will do as I ask.
No more fighting me,
No more seeking attention."

And from behind his back,

He brings out a single cloth.

A blind fold.

-
"Tape the door." He says
"Or you'll never see light again."

He'll take my hopes away,

He'll take my happiness,

He'll take everything.

I can't afford that.

-

I hesitate. For that second I do.

And it was too long,

I waited too long,

He grabs me by my neck,

And pulls me close.
"Don't worry child,
As soon as the door is taped,
The blind fold will be removed.
Just do it. Please,
For me."
-

It's dark, I can't see.

I'm pushed to the floor,

A slave.

A whip, I can feel it

On my back,

Its all in my mind,

But it feels s real.

I fumble for the door.

-

I found the door,

The door of trust,

I run my fingers,

Over the gun holes.
"That's it, just tape them."

I feel for the end of the tape.

I pull it apart,

And slam it on the door.

-
"Well done, just a few more."

I hear his voice,

As loud as ever,

Cheering me on.

But there's still the whip,

Slapping my back.

-

"I can't" I weep,

I can't seal the door.
"You must. Trust destroys you,
Look at what its done to you
Already. It has to go.
Now." The whip,

Hits me yet again.

-

Another hole sealed.

There's only one left,

I'm clinging to it for life,

But the whip hits me again.

I can't seal it.

A whip again.

-

I turn to face him,

In the darkness,

I can't see.

I can tell he's smiling,

Its in the air,

Its in his voice.
"Nearly there, just a bit more.
Come on, there is only one left.
Then you'll be free in this room
All alone with me,
No more prying eyes."

-

"But I hate you."
"There's nothing you can do about it,
You have to be with me,
You're stuck here forever,
Make the most of it."

I tape the last hole,

But weakly,

So that it may on day,

Come peeling off,

And I can reach out.

-

Goodbye,

I'm silent now,

I cannot speak.

The blind fold is off,

But there's tape on my mouth,

Trust is gone,

Voice is gone.

I can't scream.

I suffer in silence.

30/12/14