Just For Show (EDITING)

Chapter 29 - " Kiss me"

Then I felt a single hand wrap over mine. The hand was warm and protective. I looked down to see that it was Harry's. My anxiety seemed like it was gone. With one touch this boy was able to make my heart go back to it's normal speed and yet accelerate at the same time because of him. His eyes were focused on the woman in front of us but his mind wasn't on her, it was clear. A small smile escaped from me reminding myself that I was much stronger than this woman was trying to portraying me as.

" But I do want to make something clear. I don't want to be known as a victim from this. Carter does not have that power over me, at least not anymore. I don't want other people to feel bad for me. I've seen that enough these last couple weeks. The only thing that I want is for girls to know when to walk away. To know when enough is enough. I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor" I said.

The room around us became to quiet you could hear a pin drop. I looked over to see all the boys looking at me with a small smile. As I looked into Harry's eyes but quickly looked away with a goofy smile on my face. His grip tightened on my hand only making me feel safer.

" I also have a surprise for our fans. I've been in the studio a lot lately and writing is a way for me to cope with things. I wrote a song that I wanted to release to all the warriors and survivors who's been through anything close to what I had gone through" I annouced before Louis and Harry picked up their guitars.

They began playing the strings that I had quickly taught them. I could feel my hands shaking from nervousness. I hadn't sung this song for more then these three boys and now here I was about to share the sing with the world.

"You shout it out

But I can't hear a word you say

I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm criticized

But all your bullets ricochet

Shoot me down, but I get up"

The interview ended quickly after. I made sure James wouldn't schedule anymore interviews where I would have to talk about Carter. I was done with that chapter in my life. The so waited for interview and song was going to be out tonight, and that's all that I would give to the public eye. I don't think I could handle talking about my experience over and over again. I was still a little nervous about releasing the song because it was such a personal song.

The song pulled out every emotional that I could have felt in that moment and I was able to put them all into lyrics and vocals. Harry was the first one that heard the song. I asked him not to tell me his opinion. Weirdly enough I was more afraid of his opinion than anyone else's.

I felt my cell phone vibrate between my hands and looked down at the screen. It was my mother, again. She had been trying to get in contact with me everyday for the past three weeksm My guess was that she had seen the pictures from the police report. But she was one of the last people that I wanted to talk to. Part of me blamed her for everything. She was the one who had encouraged me to stay with Carter through the violence.

" do you guys mind if the driver drops me off home first? You guys go ahead and go to the mall but I'm just starting to have a headache" I shook my head at them.

Deep down I didn't want to face people following me around the mall like last time. Last week when we went to the mall, I felt like everyone was following us. With their cameras and screams. Of course I wanted to take pictures with the fans but I didn't want my face with cuts and bruises to be shown. Paparazzi waere even worse. They made me feel like a prey and they were the hunters. 

" you sure?" Louis asked.

I nodded.

The driver made his way to our apartment and dropped me off there. I could tell by the look on Harry's face he was worried about me. But thankfully he stayed in the car and went along with the boys. I needed a little bit of alone time. When I got inside of our apartment I was relieved to see that Jess wasn't there. Ever since she saw me in that hospital bed, she had been avoiding me. I didn't understand why and Harry wouldn't explain it to me neither.