Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#227 H2liftships, The Journey

H2liftships, The Journey by @BactBob

I found the way that the tech manual was a separate book very strange. I'd put it as a glossary but since it's very long, chop down on some parts.

Good writers incorporate the backstory details (so the information from the manual) into the story. Show don't tell.

I found that the manual had a very strong character presence. Maybe use some of that and fit it into Tang's character? When I read it I thought it would really suit a person who's a physicist.

Another thing to note is that the manual is extremely long. A little technical too and a bit of a confusing and boring read and doesn't serve as much of a purpose as you think it does. I would seriously consider chopping parts of it and adding it into the main story.

Phrasing was a little off.

Confusing spacing between dialogue. Keep all the dialogue in one paragraph.

I'll tag you in a critique where I explain how to format dialogue properly to others.

Good attempts at description. Since it's a space setting I would try even more.

The story was too long - consider splitting it into smaller chapters.

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