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#219 Alwatruck

34 2 4

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Alwatruck by @DrKenny

I would refrain from using colloquial language. It really doesn't help and it just makes Chiaki seem annoying.

Don't plonk description just for the sake of it (like at the beginning with Chiaki's friends and their physical descriptions.) You need to incorporate stuff like this into the writing as you go. Also, for general description just saying "there's a black hole" doesn't really cut it.

No speech marks needed for thoughts. Just the italics.

I'll tag you in a dialogue where I explain how to format dialogue properly to others.

Overall, it was an okay attempt. I understand it's only a draft version and hopefully you can see where you can improve! Help this helps.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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