Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#185 Stuck With The Badboys

Stuck With the Badboys by @aishaa_003

A rather mundane start. It would be better having more of a hook to entice the reader.

It's/its

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal (ages, etc)

Dialogue wasn't formatted right. Okay, take a look at these examples.

"Morning," said Linda. Her lips split into a huge yawn. "Man, that mattress was comfy."

Notice how there's a comma before the dialogue tag? And that after the full stop there's a capital?

Here's another. Starting with action this time though.

Tom stirred his coffee lazily. "Well I go shopping for beds every year." He placed the spoon on the marble worktop. "Costs me a grand each time, they do."

Notice here how whenever there's an action, there's always a capital?

GROUND RULES:
Dialogue tag = comma + lower case
Action = full stop + capital

Hope this helps^

You had tense jumps from the very start. Make sure everything is in past tense.

Basic grammar should be adhered to (especially stuff like capitals).

Questions need question marks. :)

More description would have really enhanced the writing. Especially of Maddy's mother.

I liked certain parts done for comic effect (like her hatred for the dog. Loved that - reminded me of the Hunger Games.)

Be careful with prepositions. And also apostrophes of possession.

When writing texts, maybe put them in italics.

I found the whole thing a bit cliché and boring. The chapters were relatively long but nothing much happened in them. Consider cutting the chit-chat down.

You're/your

Cut down on colloquial language too.

I found Curtis adorable. :)

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