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CLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.

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#206 The Device

24 3 3

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

The Device by @Jbarryt
CHAPTERS 4-6

I feel like I've already said this before but your paragraphs are a bit long so maybe separate them into smaller chunks.

Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.

The description wad very good - I could really imagine this other world.

I feel like things should have more names - especially in Ghett's world. I think this will make the world seem more real.

You mentioned George looked human but I must have missed that with the fight with the doctor. Maybe add that in?

I like the POV switching. I feel like it does have potential and could really go somewhere.

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