Give In

hurting

I didn't do much beside hanging with my family, and all things considered, that was enough for the day. I took a long hot shower to relax. When I went to bed in my old childhood room, I noticed my phone battery had died and realized two things:1. I never turned off the airplane mode, and 2. I had forgotten the charger at Shawn's apartment. I didn't bothered asking for one and I just got in bed and closed my eyes until the next morning.

Shawn's POV

I heard her moving around the apartment, putting the last items on her suitcase. It was early and I knew her flight wasn't departing in at least 5 more hours. She was mad at me, I was aware of that, but I was battling my own demons and I didn't have the energy to deal with her anger. I already had too much on my plate.

She left around 7 am and I didn't get out of bed until 10 am. It was pointless, I had nothing to do. I would've just stayed in bed if it wasn't for my appetite. I was hungry and my mouth was dry. I reluctantly pushed the covers away and maneuver to sit on the bed and reached for the clusters. I hated using these things, I was clumsy with them.

I stood up and moved to the kitchen. Everything was clean and tidy, even when I hadn't done shit to keep the apartment that way. I made coffee and waited for the light that told me it was ready. I took sip after sip from the cup, not caring that it was hot and that my mouth was burning. I didn't care about many things lately and that was ok. I mean, what was the point? I couldn't do them anyways.

I turned on the TV and sat on the couch. I didn't know what I was watching, I wasn't paying attention really; to that, or to anything else. When I noticed my hand on my bulge and my dick getting harder, I just rolled with it. I didn't have anything else to do, and since sex last night went to shit, I needed the release. I stroked and rubbed along my shaft, changing the rhythm every now and then. I wasn't thinking about anything, I was only focusing on the physical sensation. I moved my hand up and down, getting myself closer to the peak. I applied more pressure to the tip and then went back to stroking absentminded. There was no rush. The constant friction pushed me to the edge a while later, and when I looked down at my abdomen and hand covered in my cum, I felt like a fucking loser.

I stood up to have a shower. Camila would usually help me strip down my clothes, specially the bottoms, but she wasn't here. I also had to use a cover waterproof... thing to not get the cast wet. I was dying to get this thing out. Last time I saw the doctor, he said that if in my next appointment everything look good, I could get a walking boot instead of this nightmare. I was hoping that was the case. I wasn't supposed to stand of this foot because I couldn't put weight on it, so to get into the shower, I had to jump on my other foot. Showers were supposed to be refreshing, relaxing, even hot if a tiny brunette interrupts you mid way, but I had forgotten about that. I was rinsing the shampoo from my head when I got some in my eyes and I squeezed them in reaction, which then led to me putting my right foot down for a moment. I felt pressure in my ankle and a weird grip around the area. I lifted it right away and I got terrified that I had done something to damage more the injury. Fuck. No, no, no, please no. This can't get worse. In an instant, I was crying in the shower. Lonely, scared and angry. For fuck's sake, why was this happening to me? I got out of the shower when I had pulled myself together a bit.

I wanted Camila, I needed her by my side. I got dressed and looked for my phone to call her, I just wanted to hear her voice. It rang and rang and she never picked up. Why didn't she pick up? I was feeling like shit, I need her soothing voice and nice words. I tried again and nothing. Damn, I couldn't believe it.

You stupid idiot, she's still on the plane, I thought. It was 3 pm and she wasn't landing until after 4.

She had packed food and left it in the fridge for the couple of days I was going to be alone. I reheated some roasted chicken and ate in silence, counting the minutes to call her again.
At 4.20 it seemed like a good time to ring her, but just like last time, she didn't pick up. It's alright, I thought, she probably had it on airplane mode still.

I tried again at 5, 6:15, 7:27, 8, 8:10, 8:43, 9:06, 10:35 but nothing. First I was impatient, waiting for her to realize that her phone was off. Then, I was upset. Why hadn't she checked her phone? That was so unlike her, she knew clients from the office would call or send emails at any time. Next, I was angry. How could she just forget to change it? Why wasn't she checking on it? Around 9 pm, I was disappointed. I thought we had a better communication. Didn't she want to talk to me? See how I was doing? Tell me she had landed safely? At 10 pm, it all hit me... and it hit me hard.

She was hurt and she didn't want to talk to me. I had hurt her, even when I didn't mean to. I was so caught up on my own shit, that I took for granted her help, her love, her understanding, her effort. And even now, after being alone a whole day, it wasn't until the last hours of the night that I could see how miserable I was without her and how mistaken I was in my behavior. She wasn't my nurse or personal assistant, she was my girlfriend. She was doing this because she liked me, because she had feelings for me, not because she was getting something in return. What an idiot, Shawn. What a fucking idiot.

At this point, I didn't know if she had in fact her phone on airplane mode or was simply ignoring me, which was completely fair, but I had to try again, this time through messages.

[S: Mila... I screwed up. It took me a while to see it... a lot actually but I know I fucked up. Please let me talk to you]

[S: I'm the biggest idiot and I don't deserve a girlfriend like you but please hear me out, let me apologize]

[S: I miss u... so much. I'm sorry it took this to make me realize the jerk I was being to you. Please call me or answer my calls]

[S: Tomorrow is Christmas' eve, please let's not spend it like this]

[S: I'll be waiting for when u want to talk. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, I hope you aren't either]

I was ready to tell her I love her, but I didn't want to do it through texts while I was begging her for a chance to fix this.

[S: You don't owe me anything but u deserve an apology. I'll be waiting for when you want to talk. Goodnight ❤️]

I had nothing left to do but to wait for her, and I was going to wait for as long as she needed, because I wasn't giving up on this, on her, on us.

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a/n: would you listen to him? 🤔